WAR IS HELL

I have just flown overseas so (naturally) I spent the entire night watching movies. Because I would never go see it in cinemas, THE HURT LOCKER was top of my list because it has been nominated for as many Academy Awards as AVATAR and just won big at the British Academy Awards. But why? I was bored senseless and thought it was just more macho bullshit. I've seen it all before - war is hell, soldiers do it tough, blah blah blah. Great if you love that sort of thing but I don't and remain mystified as to why it is being so honoured. The only good things about it were cameos from Guy Pearce and LOST'S Evangeline Lily. So, whatever, give all the Oscars to AVATAR. Now I'm in Canada and saw a much more interesting flick called DEFENDOR. I thought it was going to be more superhero rubbish starring Woody Harrelson but - surprise surprise - it wasn't that type of film at all and extremely touching. Don't know if it will ever get an Australian release but it should ...

EVERYTHING OLD IS OLD AGAIN

SUPERMAN is coming back with BATMAN director Christopher Nolan "guiding" a new re-boot (and yes BATMAN 3 is being written as we speak). Tom Cruise has signed on the dotted line for MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4. Sequels are being planned for MRS DOUBTFIRE and THE GOONIES (with the grown up kids now having kids of their own) but Spielberg has scotched rumours of a GREMLINS 3D flick and WATCHMEN 2 ain't happening either. UNDERWORLD 3D is a goer though and the dreaded TRANSFORMERS will probably get the 3D treatment as well as the final HARRY POTTER movies. The fifth FAST AND FURIOUS flick with Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (pictured) will be called FAST FIVE and 24 is headed to the big screen with a European adventure. And Aussie good guy Joel Edgerton is doing another version of THE THING. But whatever happened to the remake of Aussie cult classic LONG WEEKEND with John Hargraeves and Briony Behets? The Claudia Karvan thriller looks like a shot by shot re-telling (and has clearly been released somewhere European by the follwing trialer) but we are yet to see it here down under ...

HOW CAN A MOVIE WITH THIS MUCH STRIPPING BE SO BORING?

So went the review from "New York" magazine about NINE, the much-anticipated movie musical which has turned into a critical and commercial flop. That quote may also be used to describe Naomi Robson's new internet venture. The former TODAY TONIGHT host isn't letting a lack of interest from every TV station stop her self-titled Oprah-like show about "Love" and "Life" so it's going straight to the web. It sounds utterly fascinating given her guests chatting about these earth-shattering topics will be the classy Tottie Goldsmith (pictured) and big boobed BIG BROTHER loser Krystal. I really shouldn't pre-judge this web weirdness because despite all the negative press, I went to see NINE and really enjoyed it. The cast were all super-sexy (barring Fergie who was slightly scary) and the surprise stand-out performance came from Kate Hudson (see below). Maybe if Naomi sang, danced and surrounded herself with cool Italianos while reviving the 60s, she too might become watchable ...

GIVE AN OSCAR TO JEFF BRIDGES NOW

Yesterday I saw and loved CRAZY HEART starring Jeff Bridges, Robert Duvall, Colin Farrell (all three do their own singing and are great) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (pictured). The story isn't that original and you probably need to enjoy (traditional) country music but it's all about Jeff Bridges in the title role. Academy Award nominations are announced next week and he has to be nominated, in fact he could win it given the Academy's sentiment for awarding for body of work. Bridges deserves to win on both counts, especially given a likable resume that also includes such classics as THE LAST PICTURE SHOW (what a debut), TRON (and he's doing the upcoming sequel TRON LEGACY), STARMAN, THE FABULOUS BAKER BOYS, THE FISHER KING, FEARLESS (my favourite), THE BIG LEBOWSKI (a cult classic I need to re-watch), THE DOOR IN THE FLOOR (another stunner based on a John Irving novel) and the upcoming remake of TRUE GRIT (there ain't many actors with the balls to take on John Wayne but Bridges can probably get away with it). He also gave one of the most appealing acceptance speeches at this year's Golden Globes so he would be most welcome on Oscars night ...

THE WORST MOVIE OF 2009

How did my favourite magazine in the world (Entertainment Weeklly) just name Sandra Bullock as their number one 2009 Entertainer of The Year ahead of the cast of TRUE BLOOD (number 2), Alec Baldwin (4), GLEE's Jane Lynch (12) and the cast of DEXTER (15)? Yes, she had two hit movies (THE PROPOSAL and THE BLIND SIDE) but EW conveniently ignores her starring role in the year's biggest debacle ALL ABOUT STEVE. It's not mentioned until later in the magazine when the wrost films of the year are mentioned and then it's brushed away as the "humiliating movie about a chirpy stalker" that's "a valley in an otherwise peak year". OK then, but had the magazine had any clue that Susan Boyle was about to singlehandedly save the CD industry in the lead-up to Christmas, SuBo would probably have been given another number one title. Then again, Bullock could always play Boyle in the inevitable movie biography ...

THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR ... AND THE BEST BUMS

So every movie critic is listing their Top 10 Movies of 2009 but I'm on holidays and can't really be bothered. What I will do is agree with most of Gary Maddox's choices from The Sydney Morning Herald. Best Australian Movie - SAMSON AND DELILAH (check). Best Animated Movie - UP (check). Best Re-release - WAKE IN FRIGHT (check). Film of the Year - AVATAR. Look, it was good but I would probably give that award to the crowd-pleasing INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS because Quentin Tarantino delivered one of the most bizarre WWII movies ever. But the movie I enjoyed the most in 2009 was EASY VIRTUE. This UK film was from Aussie director Stephen Elliott and they did not approve os his unqieu take on their Noel Coward. But I thought it was perfectly cast, beautifully filmed and an absolute joy from start to finish. When it comes to the best and worst of TV in 2009, we have recorded many, many segments for THE PLAYLIST so check them out (I am in serious holiday mode sorry). And here's the best one where we look back at the Best Bums of 2009 ....

THE BOX BOMBS

A few weeks back I wondered who would want to see Cameron Diaz's (pictured) movie THE BOX when Australia's version (back in 1975) was clearly preferrable. Entertainment Weekly magazine has since reported that the sci-fi thriller from DONNIE DARKO director Richard Kelly earned straight Fs across all age groups in the US when CinemaScore, a research company that questions viewers after the flick, went to THE BOX. Apparently only three other films have done as badly over the last six year - BUG, DARKNESS and our own WOLF CREEK. EW then goes on to say that even ALL ABOUT STEVE, considered this year's biggest "turkey", scored a C+ average. "Our system is A is good, B is average and C is bad. We poll opening night audiences, people who really wanted to see the movie so if they give it an F, something's wrong," said CinemaScore president Ed Mintz. So with that in mind, let's look back at our version of THE BOX from this Crawford Productions retrospective. There's scenes from the TV series and clips from the movie with Graham Kennedy playing himself and Vanessa Leigh (as Fanny) and Marilyn Vernon (as Ingrid) getting topless as all good tele birds i the 70s did ...

AVATAR IS AMAZING

Film companies need to stop showing journalists incomplete footage of upcoming movies. A few months ago I went to see 30 minutes of AVATAR and walked away somewhat underwhelmed. Last night (Friday) I saw the complete film and was pleasantly surprised but that half hour sneak peek beforehand had ruined some of the film's surprises. Don't preview unfinished films (or maybe I should just stop going). Here's what I thought about the finished film:
Has TITANIC director James Cameron done it again? Yes. Does it redefine 3D? Yes. Is it good to see Sigourney Weaver (pictured) reunited with Cameron again after ALIENS? Oh Yes. Does the film sometimes seem reminiscent of other films like ... THE TERMINATOR? Yes. STAR WARS? Yes. LORD OF THE RINGS? Yes. TITANIC? No. Does AVATAR have a TITANIC running time? Yes. Will the critics rave? Yes. Will it top the box office? Yes. Will sci-fi and fantasy film fans love it? Oh Yes. Will non sci-fi and fantasty film fans love it? No but they should still like it. Is Sam Worthington a star? Oh Yes. Does he try a bit too hard with the "knockabout Aussie" and "Russell Crowe is my hero" routine (no shoes, strine accent, "accidentally" dropping the "F" word)? Judge for yourself maaaaate ...

PETER JACKSON HAS DONE IT AGAIN

New Zealand director Peter Jackson proved his incredible talent with the stunning LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy and his truly beautiful remake of KING KONG. Now he's back with another Christmas blockbuster THE LOVELY BONES. Last night I went to the Premiere because I wanted to see Susan Sarandon in the flesh and what a beauty she was too. Based on a bestselling novel I've never read (but plenty of others seem to have), Jackson has filled this film with his trademark sweeping camerawork and imaginative visuals. And did I mention the cast? Apart from Sarandon, there's Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, THE SOPRANOS' Michael Imperioli and Mark Wahlberg (pictured). If you're a fan of the book, watch the trailer below but if you don't know what it's about, hold off and just go see the movie when it opens on Boxing Day. The less you know about it the better but be warned, the tension is unberable at certain points. I was relieved to see it finish and plan to go back and see it again so I can appreciate it without digging my hands into the armrest ...

WHO WILL MOON FIRST OVER NEW MOON?

Last night I saw NEW MOON but can't talk about it. That's because all the critics had to sign an embargo promising they wouldn't talk about the film until 12.01am on Thursday, the same time the film unspools in Australian cinemas at midnight screenings. Of course the word "embargo" is like a red flag to us bullish critics and now everyone is playing the waiting game to see who cracks first. Last time, it was newspaper 'The Age' that broke the embargo and posted an early review of the movie AUSTRALIA so will News Ltd sit back this time and let Fairfax scoop them again? I'm doing MORNINGS WITH KERRI-ANNE at 9.10am tomorrow (Wednesday) and unless someone on TODAY or SUNRISE blabs before me, I will have to keep my mouth shut. Although, given TV Week already has a two page article from LA called "The First Review" in the magazine this week, it's possible we could all claim the embargo has already been broken ...

WE APOLOGISE FOR THIS BREAK IN TRANSMISSION

Dear readers, sorry there hasn't been a posting for over a week now but I've been a bit distracted. But now new movie 2012 has got me going again because it's the disaster movie to end all disaster movies. Starring John Cusack, George Segal and Woody Harrelson (pictured), this pure popcorn spectacle pays homage to every disaster movie that has gone before it. There's nods to THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, EARTHQUAKE, VOLCANO and almost every AIRPORT flick. The plot is preposterous and it's about half an hour too long but the special effects are amazing. There's even a planned spin-off TV series about the survivors called 2013 although no doubt they'll be carefully watching the box office returns before making a final decision. Although the Mayan's prediction that the world will end in 2012 is nonsense, I predict that it'll be number one at the box office ... for at least one week. Sadly for 2012, next week it's all going to be about TWILIGHT: NEW MOON so enjoy this end of the world porn while you can because vampires are about to take over ... again ...

SURELY THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION OF THE BOX IS BETTER

Cameron Diaz and Frank Langella star in THE BOX opening in Australian cinemas today. It's another head-scratcher from the director of DONNIE DARKO, a movie many people love despite not understanding what the hell it is about. I'm going to pass because if I want to see a movie called THE BOX, the 1975 Australian movie classic is much more preferrable. It was the big screen version of the TV series of the same name and all about the wacky goings-on behind the scenes at a TV station called Channel 12. In the film within the film, a movie version of Channel 12 cop show MANHUNT is being made (an in-joke which sends up Crawford cop shows of the day) and starring the hopeless Tony Wild (played by Ken James). Meanwhile, an efficient expert (Cornelia Frances) is reaquainting herself with university lover Vicki Stafford (Judy Nunn) and Graham Kennedy (playing Graham Kennedy) turns up to host variety show BIG NIGHT OUT. I live in hope that one day this movie might be released on DVD in all its full frontal glory ...

SOME SEQUELS ARE A GOOD IDEA ....

MAD MAX 4 will soon start shooting in NSW and that's a good thing, right? But do they replace Mel Gibson with a recast or focus on a new character? STAR TREK's Chris Pine (pictured) is rumoured to be the new CIA guy Jack Ryan as Hollywood eyes off another Tom Clancy adventure (and Pine is already committed to another STAR TREK with talk William Shatner may appear). All of that is much more promising than follow-ups to TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and SCREAM (both in 3D) or another NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION. And while common sense has prevailed (with an INDEPENDENCE DAY sequel getting shelved), no common sense prevails for Sylvester Stallone who is inflicting ROCKY 7 upon the world. Just give it up, Sly, nobody wants to see an old man boxing. But we are keen to see what happens to Andy's toys when he grows up and goes to college in TOY STORY 3D ...

NICOLE JUST SAYS NO

Good on Nicole Kidmanh for going to Washington in her role as a UN goodwill ambassador for women's issues. She told Congress violence against women and girls was "perhaps the most systematic, widespread human rights violation in the world. I am far from an expert," but salthough Hollywood had legitimized violenc, it "probably ... has also contributed to solutions.'' Wow, time to watch DEAD CALM (where she's stalked on a boat) and DOGVILLE (where she's raped) in a whole new light, not to mention her first ever role in the 1983 Australian TV pilot SKIN DEEP. She plays an underage model (with freckles and frizzy hair) who sleeps with a famous photographer and then gets murdered after threatening him with carnal knowledge ...

MOVIES TO SEE AND MOVIES TO FLEE

OK, so I've already warned you about the appalling ALL ABOUT STEVE which opens today with one star reviews from everyone (and frankly, they're being kind to this movie which deserves a rating of zero, yes it is that bad). What you should know though is there is a magnificent movie to see this weekend called AN EDUCATION. It's about an English schoolgirl (Carey Mulligan) in 1961 being seduced by an older man (Peter Sarsgaard, pictured) and it's bautifully done and an absolute must-see (in fact, can someone strap down Sandra Bullock so she can watch what a quality movie is). Next week it's THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS with Christopher Plummer and Tom Waits. It's also the final role from Heath Ledger who died halfway through shooting but luckily the script is shit so it was easy to replace him with Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell. See, there's this travelling, horse-drawn carnival sideshow with a magic mirror and when Heath goes through the silver alfoil curtains, he turns into the other actors. Seriously, this what happens and none of it makes any sense. Director Terry Gilliam has made some great movies like THE FISHER KING and FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS but alas, this is not one of them. It is, however, a "visual feast" but save yourself some money and a huge headache by just watching the trailer instead ...

BRING BACK SENSURROUND

Nostalgia is back. How else to explain HEY HEY ITS SATURDAY or Liza Minnelli getting AUSTRALIAN IDOL its best ratings all year (wonder who that show will exhume from the grave for their next mentor?). So since everything old is new again, why aren't cinemas re-visiting the greatest gimmick of the 70s? Sensurround was a series of low frequency speakers that were installed at a cost of $20,000 (big bucks back then). They pumped out a bassline that caused low level vibrations throughout the theatres (as ell as outside as I watched chandeliers swinging in the cinema lobby). The first film to use it was EARTHQUAKE, a seminal disaster flick with Charlton Heston and Victoria Principal (pictured) and the Sensurround really kicked in during the big quake (see clip below). After that it was used in such films as ROLLERCOASTER, BATTLE OF MIDWAY and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA but the process worked best during longer sequences and not during short bursts of gunfire or spaceship blasts. Wonder what a newer version of Sensurround would sound like today?

THE FINAL FINAL DESTINATION?

DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Krista Allen stars in THE FINAL DESTINATION which is the fourth film in the series. Given this one is in 3D some think it's the third movie but there's actually been FINAL DESTINATION, FINAL DESTINATION 2, FINAL DESTINATION 3 and now the most unimaginatively titled one of them all. Does putting a 4 in the title make Hollywood look just too desperate? At least the makers retrieved that missing word THE after another franchise lost it along the way. You see, there was THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS (clever title), THE FAST AND FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (this movie was actually my favourite) and then FAST AND FURIOUS (boring title). See what I mean? This latest FINAL DESTINATION movie opens in Australian cinemas on Thursday and makes good use of its 3D effects (reminding me of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 in 3D back in the 80s). But sadly there's nothing new on offer here if you've seen all the other movies that go before it ...

JOEL EDGERTON'S BEEN WORKING OUT

I just saw A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE in Sydney with Cate Blanchett and Joel Edgerton and WOW! I studied this play in Year 11 at school but this was the most stunning production ever. Cate was amazing playing Blanche DuBois and brought a whole new sluttiness to the role that Vivien Leigh could only hint at in the movie version. And Joel Edgerton as Stanley Kowalski sounded just like Marlon Brando but looked way hotter. He is now built like a brick shithouse and I'd tell you all to rush off and see it immediately but the entire season has been sold out. Guess you'll just have to wait till his next TV or film role ...

RETREAT FROM THIS FILM

Remember that cool movie SWINGERS written by its two stars Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughan? Wish I could say the same about their latest effort COUPLES RETREAT. This time their scripwriting is all over the shop and even a top notch cast - including ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT'S Jason Bateman, VERONICA MARS' Kristin Bell and SEX AND THE CITY'S Kristin Davis (has Charlotte had a chin job?) - can't make their characters likable. But the strangest moment in the film is when one-time ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT reporter Carlos Ponce (and wouldn't you think he'd have changed his name by now?) emerges nude from the water and he's neutered! Clearly they didn't want a penis to ruin their rating but the digitally altered flash makes Carlos look like a Ken doll. Or maybe a Ponce doll.

SLY HAS A DEATH WISH

Sylvester Stallone in threatening to replace and remake Charles Bronson's DEATH WISH and it would certainly give him another violent franchise he could keep making sequels to (just like Bronson did). But when would he have the time given he is busy making a fifth RAMBO flick? Much better news comes from Quentin Tarantino who was just quoted as saying he might do a KILL BILL 3, an INGLORIOUS BASTERDS prequel (maybe) but never a PULP FICTION sequel (phew). Then there's the Weinstein brothers who said they are re-visiting the SCREAM franchise, re-making SHORT CIRCUIT, re-doing SCANNERS and HELLRAISER for 3D and probably going back to AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. And then there's this - the first trailer for the new NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and it looks pretty good (but not as good as Stallone in his heyday) ....

PEEWEE COMES BACK

Pee Wee Herman inched closer to another movie with his recent appearance on THE JAY LENO SHOW this week. Who can forget the climactic scene of his first flick, PEEWEE'S BIG ADVENTURE, as James Brolin and Morgan Fairchild starred in the movie of his life (and he made a cameo as a bellhop). With a new stage show coming, fingers crossed a third PEE WEE film also gets off the ground (because the second one, BIG TOP PEE WEE was dreadful)

THE CRITICS RAVE YET AGAIN

There's two new Australian films in cinemas this week and the critical reaction is, as always, predictable. VAN DIEMENS LAND is being praised with 4 star reviews using words like "poetic", "breathtaking" and "visually spectacular" because it's dark and depressing. Only The Daily Telegraph was more measured as it handed out a mere 3 star review (shock horror, cancel that writer's membership to the National Film Critics of Australia IMMEDIATELY) as it warned patrons that "the film is as drab as the desaturised colour photography that gives it a grey, winter-in-Tasmania pall". Doesn't that sound like a barrel of laughs? I will not be torturing myself by watching it given I saw the very same story dramatized on the ABC earlier this year. THE LAST CONFESSION OF ALEXANDER PEARCE starred Dan Wylie and was pretty hard going at one hour so I can only imagine what it would be like stretched out to movie length. The story is a realy one about cannibal convicts and surely one should only have to stomach one cannibal convict flick per year. How is that funding bodies continue to hand out money to competing productions with the same storyline? If you like going to the movies for ENTERTAINMENT, why not see the other new Aussie movie this week, STONE BROS. It's a mad indigenous road trip stoner buddies film starring Luke Carroll and Peter Phelps as a wacko cop. It's funny and you won't walk out of the cinema wanting to slash your wrists but don't expect any critics to give it 4 stars. Talking up Aussie films only applies to those that are considered "artistic" ...

ORIGINALITY IN A SEA OF REHASHES

If you haven't yet seen it, do go to UP and make sure you see it in Digital 3D. It looks so amazing you might even get vertigo watching it like I did. And it's sweet and original, until of course we get a sequel (although I'd like to think this is a oneoff). Next from Pixar will be the re-release of TOY STORY 1 and 2 in 3D before TOY STORY 3 releases featuring the voices of Whoopi Goldberg and Timothy Dalton. And then of course there will be WOLVERINE 2, WALL STREET 2, PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 4: ON STRANGER TIDES, INDIANA JONES 5 and then - I kid you not - THE CHEAPEST MUPPET MOVIE EVER MADE. Yep, that's the title, apparently a pun because it's about Gonzo directing a big Hollywood flick and then running out of money. And prepare yourself for remakes of SUSPIRIA, CHILDREN OF THE CORN and TRUE GRIT from the Coen brothers with Jeff Bridges replacing John Wayne. Will any of them end up as terrible as the remake of BAD LIEUTENANT looks? Yep, they've actually replaced Harvey Keitel with Nicolas Cage and then added the other worst actor in Hollywood, Val Kilmer ...

BLESSED? MORE LIKE DEPRESSED

Most Australian film critics will give BLESSED a four star review for being gritty and powerful. Sadly I can not agree with them. BLESSED (or as I like to call it, DEPRESSED) is the most woeful Aussie film of the year with plot moments so improbable it is laughable. It is directed by Ana Kokonis whose first film HEAD ON was and still is a classic. Then she went wildly off the rails with her second film, the ridiculous male rape fantasy THE BOOK OF REVELATION. BLESSED is even worse with overlapping stories about homelessness, prostitution, pedophilia, shoplifting, teenage bullying, bashings, suicide, gambling, pregnancy, unemployment and alcoholism. One underage character walks through the entire film with a menstrual stain on her dress while another breaks down in tears while masturbating in a porn film. Then there's the communist (with a library full of Karl Marx books) who hugs a burglar because she feels guilty about her involvement with the stolen generation. Why are these movies being funded by government bodies over and over again when none of them ever get an audience or turn a profit? Australian films are so poisonous they can't even attract an audience for free on TV which is why they usually only ever get a look-in late at night during the summer non-ratings period. Not only is it a waste of our tax dollars, it is causing widespread and long lasting despair with cinemagoers, many of whom vow never to see another Australian film after a bad experience with one all the critics RAVE about. And it's not enough anymore to wax lyrically about "the depth of the performances" or the "brilliant camerwork". Name me an Aussie film that DOESN'T have good acting and photography? We are world class in these areas but our scripts and subject matters are dragging us down. Being kind to local films might be politically correct but ultimately, it's not helping anyone. Poor old CHARLIE & BOOTS is being lauded for being the highest-grossing opening weekend of any Aussie movie this year. Unfortunately it only came in at number 5 on the Top 10. When even an obvious crowd-pleaser with Hoges and Kenny still can't get a lot of bums on seats, something is terribly wrong. As are these from 2009 ...

LAST RIDE about a hideous criminal and a young boy called Chook.
FUNDING BODY CLICHES: Father son relationship, outback, road movie, paedophilia, indigenous subplot
HIGHLIGHT: Hugo Weaving cuts off his own mullet before violently bashing his son.
DID THE CRITICS RAVE? Oh yes. "Dramatically intense", "tough but very, very good", "the latest classy entry in what is turning out to be one of the best years in Australian film". Really?

CLOSED FOR WINTER about a woman tortured by a tragic event from her youth
FUNDING BODY CLICHES: Mother/daughter relationship, flashbacks, missing child, dirty secrets
HIGHLIGHT: Natalie Imbruglia digs a garden to get her depressed mother out of the house
ACTING: Natalie Imbruglia does her best but it's a thankless role that goes nowhere.
DID THE CRTICS RAVE? Oh yes. "Impressive", "compelling". I fell asleep.

BEAUTIFUL KATE about a man tortured by a tragic event from his youth
FUNDING BODY CLICHES: Father/son relationship, outback, flashbacks, dirty secrets, indigenous subplot
HIGHLIGHT: Bryan Brown dies after pissing in a bottle and coughing his guts up
DIRECTING: Rachel Ward is talented but her story is a turn-off.
DID THE CRITCS RAVE? Oh yes. 99% of them LOVED the movie but those who didn't felt the wrath of Ward when she blasted them in The Sydney Morning Herald for "dumping doom and gloom and threatening to squash" her "precious, fragile, beautiful egg". Apparently that egg is "propelling towards decent box office returns" having now pulled in over a million bucks but given it cost approximately $6 million to make, I would not describe that as decent.

For the record, I see these films (many against my better judgement) because I WANT them to be good. I love Australian films when they get it right and the best ones I've seen so far this year are:

SAMSON AND DELILAH - Tough subject matter but it succeeds because it's infused with grace, humour and a happy ending.

MY YEAR WITHOUT SEX - Tough subject matter but it succeeds because it's sweet, funny and has a happy ending.

SUBDIVISION - Warm, believable and one of the only films this year trying to appeal to a wider audience.

Am I being too harsh? Tell me what you think - leave a comment ....

FUNNY PEOPLE IS REALLY FUNNY

FUNNY PEOPLE is about to open in Australian cinemas and I went to last night's preview screening with a slight feeling of dread. Not only did the film star Adam Sandler, whose past few films have been dreadful, but it ran for two and a half hours which usually does my head in. The extra running time is often a sign that a director has turned into a wanker but I was wrong. FUNNY PEOPLE is fabulous, Sandler gives what could be his best performance ever and the movie's running time is not an issue. But best of all is Eric Bana who turns the last third of the film into a riot. We've seen him in so many dramatic roles lately it's easy to forget that he honed his comedy chops in skit shows like FULL FRONTAL. Here's a reminder ....

MORE SEQUELS AND REMAKES - BUT NOW IN 3D AND IMAX

Here's some more reasons to get depressed about the current state of Hollywood. Not content with going back to fast and furious, Vin Dielse (pictured) is doing another xXx (the third int he series but only the second he has done). Another ST. TRINIANS movies is being planned called THE LEGEND OF FRITTON'S GOLD along with BAD BOYS 3 and RAMBO 5 (which is just sick). Chris Nolan wants to do his third BATMAN entirely in IMAX and a remake of SWAMP THING is being planned in 3D. And despite the box office failure of HALLOWEEN 2, HALLOWEEN 3D could be on the cards but thankfully, without director Rob Zombie who has ruined the franchise resurrection. Instead Zombie is off to massacre another remake of THE BLOB, the infamous 1958 horror film that is playing at the drive-in in GREASE. There's already been one terrible sequel (BEWARE THE BLOB in 1972 directed by Larry Hagman and it was a stinker) and a very ordinary remake in 1988 with Kevin Dillon. How do you improve, though, on the original with Steve McQueen ...

AUSSIE MOVIE ROAD RAGE

2009 has not been a good year for Australian cinema, save for SAMSON AND DELILAH, SUBDIVISION and the re-release of WAKE IN FRIGHT. Now all eyes are on Paul Hogan and Shane Jacobsen revitalising the industry with their new movie CHARLIE & BOOTS. The preview audience I saw the movie with laughed a lot so it could be a big hit. Then again, some people laugh at anything Hoges does including any story of alleged plastic surgery (as pictured). At least in this movie Hoges looks like a wrinkled and leathery 70-year-old man so if any Botox was there, it has definitely worn off now. But back to the story - or lack thereof. Hoges and Kenny drive a Kingswood car from Warrnambool to Cape York. That's it. That's the whole movie. I've seen more plot development in an episode of GETAWAY. Actually, I think Hoges is back working with the Australian Tourism Commission because it's like one long travelogue. They pass some sheep. They stop at a level crossing. They visit the Big Koala. And every now and then a fabulous Australian actor appears and you think, right, the story will kick into high gear now. But no, Deborah "Not happy, Jan" Kennedy (playing a roadside waitress) gives them directions for a shortcut and she's gone. Val "Bea Smith Top Dog " Lehman is a lady bowler who nearly sideswipes them .. and then ... nothing. By the time Hoges starts telling Kenny some jokes to pass time on the road, and then limericks, and then ARGUING ABOUT HOW LIMERICKS START, you realise they have run out of ideas. Here now is a hilarious clip of locals who worked as extras on the film trying to explain what it's about. And all most of them know is it's about a father and son. Seriously, you could interview the same people straight after they saw the film and they would still say the exact same thing as here ...

TED KENNEDY DIES AND THIS TRAVOLTA MOVIE SCREENS FRIDAY

This Friday at noon, Seven had alrady programmed the John Travolta movie BLOW OUT (and I was palnning to tell you all to set tape it because it's unreal). But now it looks like a spooky and scandalous tribute to the late Ted Kennedy. In 1969 he drove his car off a bridge and his female passenger drowned and in 1981 director Brian De Palma loosely based his new thriller around that incident (and took some other inspiraton from another movie BLOW-UP). This is a terrific movie from De Palma when he was at his peak (CARRIE, DRESSED TO KILL, SCARFACE) and is one of Quentin Tarantino's three favourite films ever ...

FIRST AVATAR FOOTAGE UNVEILED

I've just returned from a 15 minute preview of James Cameron's new movie AVATAR which is to be released in 3D in Australia on December 17. Aussie Sam Worthington is crippled in a wheelchair on some foreign planet (?) until Sigourney Weaver transfers him into the body of a tall blue creature with a powerful tail. From that point on, it looks like gorgeous Sam remains hidden inside a computer animated character. He is rescued by a hot chick creature, fights some prehistoric dinosaurs and tames a pterodactyl. Then a quick montage of scenes show soldiers in high tech helicopters and some evil-looking robots. In other words, it's a little bit TERMINATOR, a little bit JURASSIC PARK, a little bit STAR WARS and a whole lot LIKE LORD OF THE RINGS. Yes, some of the scenes were thrilling but will those 3D glasses give you a headache after 2 hours and 40 minutes because that is going to be AVATAR's running time. Sigh. I was actually more impressed by the 3D in ICE AGE 3 ... but here's director James Cameron talking it up ...

DRACULA'S SOUL BROTHER

Today is the birthday of the late William Marshall who was the "King of Cartoons" on PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE and also starred in two blaxploitation films BLACULA and SCREAM BLACULA SCREAM. Both of these films have just been released on DVD in Australia and are sitting on my shelf waiting for a rainy night ... I think the sequel looks better ...

ANOTHER TARANTINO MARATHON

This is what I DREAD hearing as I walk into a movie - "You know it goes for longer than 2 hours". Hollywood movies keep getting longer and longer and if audiences don't start revolting soon, 2 hours and 30 minutes will become the norm. With exceptions, no movie should be longer than 2 hours. And one of those exceptions is anything from Quentin Tarantino. I've just seen INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and despite having to dehydrate myself beforehand so I didn't have to miss something by running out for a toilet break, I loved every minute of it. It's a very different film for Tarantino after the cartoonish capers of KILL BILL and DEATH PROOF but he pulls it off. This WWII flick about Nazi hunters (and scalpers) is gripping with a hilarious start turn fromm Brad Pitt but beware - the violence is truly gruesome ...

CAN JAMIE LEE CURTIS STILL DANCE?

As usual, Hollywood has a multitude of sequels planned but none is more exciting than James Cameron helming TRUE LIES 2 with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis and Tom Arnold. Although since this information is coming direct from Tom, take it all with a grain of salt (or angel dust). Tom reckons Arny will do the movie the moment he finishes being the Governor of California and Jamie Lee's character will now be a spy (just let her do another hilarious strip routine like she did in the first, pictured). Other planned sequels include STAR TREK 2, MONSTERS INC 2, TRON 2, CLIFFHANGER 2 (huh?), TRANSFORMERS 3 (just shoot me now), PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 4, ALIEN the prequel, another 300 (400?), another BATMAN (only if Christian Bale stops with the voice), another ST. TRINIANS, another CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (what a waste of money), another (darker) TEENAGE NINJA MUTANT TURTLES (like darker will help) and SAW VII in 3D (there's going to be a SEVENTH film?).

THE NEXT MOVIE VAMPIRE WILL BE JOHNNY DEPP

Johnny Depp went on record months ago saying he that DARK SHADOWS used to be one of his favourite TV shows as a kid and he wants to play the vampire Barnabas Collins in a movie version. Now Tim Burton is confirmed as director so I'd say it's pretty much a done deal. DARK SHADOWS was a 70s daytime soap about fangs, werewolves and ghosts that was briefly screened in Australia and was remade as a prime-time series in 1991. But it never lived up to the original and how could it when the original screened in the US at 3.30pm weekdays just in time for the kids coming home from school - no wonder it led to spin-offs like this ...

DELUDED DIRECTORS

What is it with Aussie "celebrity" directors comparing their questionable movies to the greatest films ever made? Baz Luhrmann repeatedly claimed that AUSTRALIA was going to be our very own GONE WITH THE WIND. Um, Baz, for a film to become an epic it needs to be grounded in some sort of realism, not a flouncy fairy tale. Now we have Rachel Ward who has directed her first feature length flick called BEAUTIFUL KATE. Now I love Rachel Ward. Loved her in THE THORN BIRDS. Loved her ABC drama RAIN SHADOW. I even loved the remake of ON THE BEACH. But what is going through her mind as she hits the promotional trail for BEAUTIFUL KATE? First she says that all young actresses should get over their bodies and strip off on-screen as soon as possible. Look, I love nudity as much as the next guy but it has to be equal opportunity. In BEAUTIFUL KATE, several girls are required to get their titties out but the blokes only have to do brief backside flashes. Then Rchel went on MORNINGS WITH KERRI-ANNE and said the film was an epic romance like DR ZHIVAGO. What? I don't remember Omar Shariff hacking his guts up and pissing into a bottle like the character Bryan Brown plays in his wife's film. And the turgid sex on display in BEAUTIFUL KATE could hardly be classified as romantic. The only romanticising in the movie was Ben Mendelsohn's fetish with nicotine. Just like in LOVE MY WAY, Ben smokes constantly but its' extra clever because he can do it with no hands! The ciggie just dangles from the lips and the smoke comes out the nose (and in one memorable jump the shark moment in LOVE MY WAY Ben even smoked under a running shower). Brilliant stuff but how about putting the smokes away and acting for a change?

THE BEST HORROR MOVIE IN YEARS

Horror movies have recently become all-out nasty gorefests with every film trying to out gross the last with more and more disgusting blood and guts sequences (yes SAW and HOSTEL I'm talking about you). But now SPIDERMAN director Sam Raimi has returned to his EVIL DEAD roots by crafting not only the best horror film in years but also one of the top movies of 2009. Rather than hacking off limbs or torturing naked women, Raimi tells an almost old-fashioned tale about a truly revolting old gypsy woman who places a curse upon a young bank clerk. It's been a long time since I saw such an enjoyable out of your seat. And unlike those overblown ego trip blockbusters that run for a bum-numbing two and a half hours, DRAG ME TO HELL leaves you wanting more and gasping at its audacious ending. Bravo Mr Raimi! Drag yourself off to see this one immediately - 4 stars.

GUY'S GUYS AND DOLLS

They may have divorced but it seems that Madonna has rubbed off on Guy Ritchie in more ways than one. Guy's next movie is rumnoured to be a remake of the musical GUYS AND DOLLS to star Jason Statham (pictured) and Justin Timberlake. Statham is poised to play the role of Sky Masterton which is the same role Ian Stenlake has in the Aussie stage version. So clearly acting isn't a neccesity for the part (Stenlake is so wooden on SEA PATROL he'd float if you threw him overboard) but surely singing is kinda neccesary. Can Staham hold a tune or is this the worst movie warbler since Pierce Brosnan in MAMMA MIA? Maybe Dawn French could take over from Magda Szubanski as Big Jule because at least she's still big. Magda isn't anymore and was advertised all weekend to appear on A CURRENT AFFAIR last night. But at the last moment, Magda was dropped and replaced by MASTERCHEF'S Julie so her weight loss exclusive is now scheduled for tonight.

HARRY POTTER STILL HOT

HARRY POTTER has broken box office records again even though Daniel Radcliffe didn't disrobe on screen a la his infamous nude scenes in the play EQUUS. Last night I listened to this dill on 2GB bang on about how much money HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOODED PRINCE had taken in its first day st the Australian box office, apparently Thursday. Now I know these titles can get confusing but the HALF-BLOOD PRINCE opened the day before on Wednesday but 2GB man couldn't figure this out. Never once did he realise that it would be impossible to have same day figures from cinemas at 7pm even though no evening sessions had yet been tallied. Not surprisingly he then said his fvourite movies ever were FORREST GUMP and DEAD POETS SOCIETY so I rest my case. Anyway HARRY POTTER'S 6th film did indeed take in mega cash on Wednesday and became the biggest opening ever for a movie not released on a public holiday (only LORD OF THE RINGS bettered it with their 2 big Boxing Day openings). I quite liked the film (and give it 3 and half stars) even though I was somewhat confused by the plot. It would be probably help to re-watch the last movie or movies to keep track.

EVERY TV SHOW EVER MADE IS RIPE FOR A BIG SCREEN REMAKE

Hollywood is scraping the bottom of the barrel again with news that the cartoon HONG KONG PHOOEY is to be developed as a big screen CGI hybrid movie. Sounds like this could be the next LAND OF THE LOST where a big studio throws away $100 million on a property nobody really remembers or cares about. Apparently there's also talk to do movies of YOGI BEAR, THE SMURFS and TOM AND JERRY but surely there's a lot more love for those shows than one of the lesser Hanna Barbera cartoons. What's next - MAGILLA GORILLA? HELP IT'S THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH? Actually WACKY RACES could be really fun and surely TOP CAT was way cooler stupid HONG KONG PHOOEY. There's also a whisper that a new JETSONS movie could be coming which would be great given they could update their technology. Surely in the future we haven't gone back to fat back TVs, have we?

THE MOST UNSETTLING AUSSIE FILM EVER MADE

When WAKE IN FRIGHT was released in Australia in 1971, local audiences were revolted and angered by it. There was no Australian film industry at this stage and people thought it irresponsible to portray their country in such a negative way to overseas audience. Hey, the truth hurts folks. Now this truly unsettling film has been re-released after being lost for years. I saw it late at night on Channel 0 when I was a kid and was profoundly disturbed by it. Last Sunday I went to a packed cinema to see if it was as powerfulas as I remembered and it was all that and more. It was never released on video and the original negatives were only found after years of searching just before they were nearly destroyed (so bravo to editor Anthony Buckley who tracked them down). WAKE IN FRIGHT is Jack Thompson’s first ever movie (he plays a kangarroo-shooting yobbo) and it's Chip Rafferty’s final film (he plays a boofhead policeman). Look closely and you’ll also see John Meillon (playing a drunk, big surprise there), Dawn Lake (playing a barmaid since her real-lie husband Bobby Limb was one of the film’s investors) and Maggie Dence (who almost stole the movie for me playing a slovenly hotel receptionist who keeps cool in the stifling heat by dripping her fingers into a glass of water and then rubbing them over her face as she sits in front of a fan). But we shouldn’t forget the imported English stars of the film, Donald Pleasance (HALLOWEEN) and Gary Bond in the title role (pictured) who is reminiscent of a young Peter O’Toole from LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. Bond has a full frontal nude scene in the film that was covered up in overseas version of the film but thankfully, his stunning full monty has survived for the re-release. WAKE IN FRIGHT is now playing in Sydney, Melbourne and other capital cities and will also soon be released on DVD through Madman but if you get a chance to see it while it's on a big screen, DO IT!

NICOLE KIDMAN WANTS TO BE MORE FAMOUS

Nicole Kidman has sacked her American publicist of 15 years for a new one and the media is speculating it's because her US profile and critical success has struggled in recent years. Sorry, but if this is true, how can any of that be the fault of the publicist? Ultimately it's Nicole who has chosen to star in a string of movie shockers like BEWTICHED, THE STEPFORD WIVES, THE INVASION, THE GOLDEN COMPASS, DOGVILLE and of course, AUSTRALIA. Things could be on the improve for Nic with upcoming roles in hot musical NINE and the drama THE RABBIT HOLE (directed by HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH creator John Cameron Mitchell). Unfortunately she is also attached to a Dusty Springfield biopic and a remake of HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE (repeat after me Nicole - no more remakes EVER). No news yet on whether she is also dumping Aussie publicist Wendy Day which would be a shame for anyone who has watched the media suck up to her. Kidman movie previews are always hilariously entertaining as Day is treated like the Queen Mother with rival entertainment reporters fighting each other to escort her up the stairs and sit next to her. It's all so they can get an EXCLUSIVE with Nicole but the day that Day doesn't have her famous client, she'll probably have to stumble in the dark all by herself.

FINALLY A DECENT MOVIE ...

So I sat through Sandra Bullock in THE PROPOSAL and thought it was lame. It then went to number one at the worldwide box office. The next week I grimaced my way through TRANSFORMERS REVENGE OF THE FALLEN and it too went to number one at the worldwide box office. Welcome to the latest batch of American Summer movie shockers but never fear - it's a new week, there's a new film, it'll be number one at the worldwide box office and OMG - it's actually good. In fact it's great.

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS ****
What a brilliant concept this has been for an animated trilogy. The first film is about the ICE AGE, in the second film the ice is melting and then in this film it's time to meet the dinosaurs. It's almost like they planned it this way but they swear they didn't. This latest effort is in 3D and the technology is amazing - it actually looks more like 4D with depth that goes from in front of the movie screen to behind it. And the story is great too with celebrity voices from Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, Seann William Scott and now Simon Pegg. And this is also the best dinosaur movie since ..... maybe JURASSIC PARK? Brilliant stuff, bring on ICE AGE 4.

4 WHAT 2 WATCH IN CINEMAS

See Andrew's newest Movie Reviews every Wednesday morning on MORNINGS WITH KERRI-ANNE between 0900 and 0930 on Nine and WIN TV.

Here's what he's recently seen to help you spend your dollars wisely ...

EASY VIRTUE ****
Aussie director Stephen Elliott is one of my favourites after PRISICLLA and the hugely underrated WELCOME TO WOOP WOOP so it is a huge pleasure to see him back with this winning feature with jessica Biel and Colin firth. The Brits are horrified that he has messed with (read: updated and modernised) this classic Noel Coward play about but it is hugely entertaining with one of the most unpredictble and wacky soundtracks around.

LAND OF THE LOST **

Why? Why? Why? A cheap Saturday morning show from the 70's is remade as a $100 million movie for Will Ferrell that neither succeeds as a comedy or as a kids flick. Universal would have been better off spending the money on JURASSIC PARK 4 instead, at least that would have had a more believable script. A waste of time and money.

MY YEAR WITHOUT SEX ****
A highly entertaining and realistically sweet tale of a suburban Aussie family beset by illness and money troubles. Director Sarah Watts' follow-up to LOOK BOTH WAYS features a welcome return to the screen from Matt Day (A COUNTRY PRACTICE) and Sacha Horler while the two kid actors who play their children are also sensational. Look out for a bizarre (but funny) cameo from Watts' real-life husband William McInnes.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN **
An amazing all-star cast (Ben Stiller, Steve Coogan, Owen Wilson, Amy Adams, Robin Williams, Christopher Guest, Clint Howard, Ricky Gervais) is totally wasted in this special effects bloated extravaganza. There's one truly great sequence with famous paintings coming to life but the whole thing is so ridiculous it makes the 90 minute running time seem like three hours. And Hank Azaria as a lisping mincing Egyptian (Queen) King gives a performance so bad it should be a shoo-in for next year's Razzies. Methinks Hank has a few ... issues ...

THE PROPOSAL **1/2

Romantic comedies aren't meant to be believable but neither should they be allowed to be completely improbable either. Imagine the worst boss you have ever worked for, then picture them blackmailing you into marrying them or you'll get the sack. If they then invite themselves along to one of your private family shindigs and generally behave like a spoiled wanker, I don't believe there is anything that person could suddnely do that would make you want to fall in love with them. Being Sandra Bullock doesn't help either. Ryan Reynolds comes off better as the unfortunate sap who works for her but Betty White (who plays his grandmother) is clearly suffering the first signs of dementia after her "rapping round the wigwam" routine here. It could only be improved by watching it in a completely different language (which is interesting given that in this Greek poster shown, Sandra Bullock is forced to kneel down in front of Ryan wheras in every other country they are allowed to stand face to face.

SAMSON AND DELILAH ****
A stunning Australian film about two Aboriginals doing it tough in a remote outback community. There's extraordinary acting fbut hardly any dialogue from these two young newcomers but once you go on your journey, the images will haunt you forever. A tough movie to watch about a subject you probably don't want to know about but take my word for it, this is an important and memorable movie.



STAR TREK ****
Wow. A fresh look at an old franchise that is reverent to its roots and thrilling for a new audience. The new Kirk (Chris Pine) and Spock (Zachary Quinto) are perfect while Eric Bana is freakishly evil as the villain. J.J. Abrams pulls it off yet again.





STATE OF PLAY ****
The best political thriller in years (and why shouldn't it be given it's based on an excellent BBC mini-series of the same name). This is Russell Crowe's best film ifor ages as he plays an old school newspaper reporter and Dame Helen Mirren is a joy in every scene she appears in as his harassed editor. The great supporting cast includes Rachel McAdams (as the new school "blogging" reporter), Robin Wright Penn (is she or isn't she ever going to divorce real-life husband Sean Penn?) and Ben Affleck (still married to Jennifer Garner ... for now). Brilliant.

SUNSHINE CLEANING ***

Amy Adams and Emily Blunt play isters who start a business cleaning up after grisly murders and suicides. It's a comedy trying to be black that comes across more sweet and if you think it's familiar to LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (what with Alan Arkin playing another dodge grandfather to another precocious kid) that's because both movies have the same producers.

TERMINATOR SALVATION ****
The fourth TERMINATOR flick is a non-stop action-packed winner (and way better than T3). Christian Bale is just OK reprising his croaky tough man voice (a la BATMAN) but who cares when Aussie hunk Sam Worthington steals the show. And check out newcomer Anton Yelchin playing Kyle Reese from the very first TERMINATOR movie - he is a dead ringer for Michael Biehn and a star to watch in the future. Director McG has delivered the goods.


X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE ***1/2
After that non-stop Hugh Jackman publicity blitz (Mickey Mouse, Elmo, helicopters, motorbikes and flying foxes) you could have been forgiven for thinking this was Tom Cruise flogging a soggy MISSION IMPOSSIBLE sequel. But amazingly, Jackman has delivered the goods with a whole new cast of mutants and plenty of spot-the-Aussie moments in supporting roles.

YEAR ONE **

I like Jack Black. And I like Michael Cera (JUNO and ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT). But prehistoric cinema doesn't yield up many classics (CAVEMENT with Ringo Starr, anyone?). this one's funny for the first half hour and then gets very lazy. Watch out for Aussie Gia Carides but don't listen too hard - the poor thing only gets one line. She was probably too shocked by it all to speak.