Of course Seal would have been wiser to wait until the end of the show to make that call because much of what followed wasn’t great. Hilariously overwrought, yes. Pitch perfect and on key, um, no. Song choices were horrible and wardrobe choices woeful. Many singers were, understandably, quite nervous, and dodgy audio did them no favours. Yet not one judge said a bad word about anyone or anything. In trying to be so nice, THE VOICE painted itself into a fence-sitting corner once occupied by Marcia Hines on AUSTRALIAN IDOL.

At least the cross-promotional opportunities were firing all night. Every ad break featured the hosts plugging cars and phones. But the best synergy came from Guy Sebastian’s brother performing the same David Guetta song being used to promote TRICKY BUSINESS. Unfortunately for Chris Sebastian, the real thing then followed immediately afterwards highlighting how bad his version was. Meanwhile, upstairs in the social media room there were numerous references to how the show was tweeting worldwide, with every contestant looking down at mobile devices and ipads. My personal highlight, however, was the blind girl staring blankly at a mobile phone some moron had just placed in her hand with the suggestion that she was tweeting like everyone else. Not surprisingly, she looked rather uncomfortable.

Like all TV trends, the TV talent bubble will eventually burst. And that can’t be far away with news from overseas that a dog just won BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT. Yes you just read that right – a dog. Meanwhile, over at the US X FACTOR, Britney Spears and 19-year-old Demi Lovato have been signed to multi-million dollar deals as the show’s new judges. Can’t wait to hear what they tell singers about how to be professional given Brit is a serial lip-syncher and the other is just 19 years old but already been in and out of rehab for self-harming.

At least THE VOICE was a great lead-in for new Aussie drama TRICKY BUSINESS. Its debut episode wasn’t flawless but I reckon there is great potential there given its immaculate casting. Gigi Edgley carries much of the action with great support from OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE’s Antony Starr (he is a STAR now playing the lead role in Alan Ball’s new TV series) and Kip Gamblin (his best work yet). Lincoln Lewis gets his shirt off a lot and Shane Bourne and Debra Byrne are great as the parents even though they’ve had little to do yet. I’m sticking with TRICKY BUSINESS to see what happens next. But THE VOICE has lost me.

Now Ten are in a ratings hole and every move they make seems to make things worse. Negus’ news was a ratings disaster, NEIGHBOURS got punted to Eleven and lost half its audience, The 7PM PROJECT changed timeslots three times and now languishes at 6pm as THE PROJECT, THE RENOVATORS didn’t work and caused outrage by being forced on viewers midway through the MASTERCHEF Grand Final, THE CIRCLE is struggling without Chrissie Swan (who defected to breakfast radio when her presence would have been so much better on the ratings-starved BREAKFAST) and YOUNG TALENT TIME is being moved to the ridiculous time of 7pm Fridays. Last Monday, Ten were fourth in the ratings behind ABC and most of their shows struggle to get half a million viewers.

So how are Ten planning to fix this dire situation? By copying trashy reality formats from overseas. BEING LARA BINGLE has the Shire beauty (pictured) designing sunglasses, no real surprise given it’s being made by her sunglass manufacturers. Oh dear. Bingle has shown on DANCING WITH THE STARS that she can (occasionally) be a delight when she puts her mind to it but that show (and also CELEBRITY APPRENTICE AUSTRALIA) also revealed that she is mostly bone lazy and squandering every amazing opportunity she is given. And for this she gets her own reality show?

And then there’s THE SHIRE. Ever since their promo reel was leaked, Ten have been relentless in branding the media as being “inaccurate, misleading and mischievous” in reporting that they were trying to do a local version of JERSEY or GEORDIE SHORE only with revolting Aussie specimens. They seem incapable of admitting that they (or production company Shine) made the lurid video to lure in potential advertisers. Instead of being dishonest about it all, Ten should be thanking the media for so much pre-publicity. But it’s now such a mess, Ten should probably pull the pin now because this show is doomed. If it turns out to be the trashy series they initially planned but now deny making, their reputation will be in shatters And if they are now doing a complete 180 degree turnaround and turning it into an “aspirational” show, well this is as disastrous as that first girl who went off and got married leaving her last-minute replacement YASMIN’S GETTING MARRIED to die a lonely death in the ratings. The people of the Shire don’t want it. Outsid eof Sydney, nobody knows what The Shire is. And I suspect most viewers don’t want to watch it either because even though JERSEY SHORE is mildly popular, its appeal is watching stupid Americans and Brits. Bring that trash closer to home and it doesn’t have quite the same appeal which is exactly why Australia never tried its own version of JERRY SPRINGER.

Elsewhere, Ten should move THE PROJECT back to 7pm and keep it a zingy half hour show. 6pm could be NEIGHBOURS (after a digital premiere on Eleven the night before) and 6.30pm should be THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL (don’t laugh, it usually has more viewers at 4.30pm than most of what Ten screens in prime time). BREAKFAST and THE CIRCLE should be combined into one kick-arse early morning show by ditching the bland hosts who don’t work and combining Paul Henry on the couch with Yumi Stynes, Georgi Coughlan and George Negus. Now that’d be worth watching.

And Ten should be doing everything possible to make YOUNG TALENT TIME  a long-running hit. It should be moved to Saturdays at 6.30pm (where it successfully ran for decades) to take on the tired AUSTRALIA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. It was never going to win on Sunday nights in the tough timeslot of 6.30pm (up against heavy hitters like Seven’s SUNDAY NIGHT and Nine’s GREAT BARRIER REEF) so falling ratings shouldn’t have been a surprise there. The original YTT was never cool and always daggy and the same applies to this version BUT every 10-year-old I speak to is all over the show. Wake up Ten, these are your viewers of tomorrow.

The only show I want to watch about Cronulla Shire is PUBERTY BLUES which begins filming next week with Claudia Karvan and Dan Wylie. It’s not going to be a continuation after the movie but an all-new tangled family drama based on the book and set in the late 70s. Along with OFFSPRING, Ten’s drama department is looking good but there’s not much else on the once great network to enjoy.

From the moment DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES began, Nicollette Sheridan was treated like an outsider. Wisteria Lane was about five housewives but only four made it into the opening credits – Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross. Several seasons later, her character of Edie Britt was killed off in an unusually cruel and nasty fashion. Watching it, something felt off so I wasn’t surprised to hear about the legal action being taken and Sheridan’s claim that creator Marc Cherry had hit her (she calls it a slap, he calls it a tap). He counter-claimed that she acted like a diva.

The irony in this is that if Sheridan is a diva, she learnt from the best. She was cast in DH based on her stunning performance in KNOTS LANDING (Marc Cherry is a confessed fan and there is more than a touch of KL in his own creation). Just as she was overlooked and overshadowed in DH, Sheridan gets no credit for revitalising and saving KL when every other nighttime soap of the era (DALLAS, DYNASTY and FALCON CREST) was running out of ideas and losing original cast members. Sheridan’s character of Paige Mathison was not a stereotypical bitch and never over the top. Instead, she became a role model for corporate gals everywhere and was solely responsible for KL becoming the soap that outlasted them all. But whenever anyone mentions KL today, it’s all about Joan Van Ark and Donna Mills etc. All divine in their own way, of course, but notorious for long “lighting delays” as the show’s 14 year run did them no favours.

I’m still watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (how desperate does that make me?) but Vanessa Williams has NEVER been as good in that bitchy housewife role as Sheridan was. I hope ABC has to pay her a shitload of money to settle this lawsuit and restore her reputation. In the meantime, let’s all hope that the upcoming movie adaptation of DARK SHADOWS is as good as this trailer makes out … this was the daytime soap that Tim Burton and Johnny Depp used to rush home to watch in the 70s. Bet Marc Cherry was a fan too …

First of all, for those who never saw or have never even heard of the television series Number 96, a little background.  This is the prime-time soap that rewrote the rule book on what could or could not be shown on television screens. Its depiction of then-taboo subjects such as homosexuality, rape, incest, frigidity and drugs, plus liberal helpings of nudity, had it labeled ‘the Sex and Sin Show’ at a time when the Yanks were still churning out The Brady Bunch. A healthy dose of comedy was also included in its stories about the people living in a block of flats in Sydney’s Paddington.  In fact, sixty percent of it was comedy, based on a range of lovable characters. This kept the more turgid drama afloat, and contributed to the show’s success.

I was no stranger to the outrage and controversy it attracted, or the comedy, having been Executive Producer of the satirical predecessor to today’s Saturday Night Live – The Mavis Bramston Show. My first novel was about to be published in London and there were murmurs of a film deal. I was approached to create ‘a series based on a block of flats in Paddington’ three days before I flew out.  So I wasn’t about to kow-tow to anyone.  I was a young, successful brat.  I threw in everything I knew, without a care – characters based on people I knew,(even my own parents), and taboo subjects like homosexuality which was illegal at the time, but had a flourishing underground in Sydney.  Miraculously it all came together into a hit that’s now regarded as iconic.

But on this, the 40th Anniversary of the series I created, you won’t get floods of cosy nostalgic reminiscences from me.  I loved that part of my life, and I’m proud it had such popularity and impact.  However, I’m more concerned with the here and now, and what, if any progress has been made since then.

Over the years, I’ve refused several requests to update Number 96, because I believed it belonged in the seventies.  Then, just recently, I decided there were enough contentious issues – same-sex marriage, anti-Muslim feelings in our community, the problems of gender reassignment, etc. – to warrant a re-boot.  A new one-hour pilot episode was well received by my trusted peers who all said I’d kept the flavour and humour of the original while bringing it firmly into the 21^st century.

Executives of several TV production companies were enthusiastic about the project and couldn’t wait to get their hands on a copy of the script.  One comment from a TV executive, even before he’d read it, should have prepared me for the worst.   “I should point out, David, that your original show was launched in much braver times.”

Make of that what you will.  I felt as wicked as if I was mailing porn to Disneyland!  Significantly, there has been no further response from him or any of the others.

Then come the current complaints from two ethnic actors that our TV drama does not mirror the modern Australia with its varied racial mix, and discriminates against ethnic actors.  In Number 96, we had the deli run by a Hungarian Jew, Aldo (Johnny Lockwood).  An African American, Chad Farrell (Ronne Arnold),  jauntily dealt with racist behaviour.  Noted Indigenous actress Justine Saunders (pictured) got her first job with us – not as an Indigenous, but playing a hairdresser who just happened to be Indigenous.  And we had an Indian, Mr Bannerjee, in the Pharmacy.  Amongst many others.  Oh, and of course, we had a leading gay character, Don (Joe Hasham) who – for the first time in international TV history – was written and played with dignity.   This led to the show’s greatest achievement – it saved lives.  Gay men have told me that isolated in country towns, they thought they were the only ones on the planet and were contemplating suicide. Then Number 96 came along, and due in no small part to actor Joe Hasham’s masterful and sympathetic portrayal, they realized there were others like them.  So don’t get me started on Outland, with its embarrassing stereotypes and unfunny gay gags. If that show is supposed to be hip, then it needs a hip replacement!

All of this leads me to the unhappy conclusion that, given all the strides ahead made 40 years ago, Australia seems now to have taken several steps backwards.

My advice is look at the DVDs.  See what it was like then.  Some of it may seem corny.  But it was an unfettered depiction of life in the recent past.  Have we really progressed?

Originally published in SX.

NUMBER 96: THE BEGINNING AND THE BOMB on DVD is now available to buy through www.umbrellaent.com.au

Meet David Sale and cast members Elaine Lee (Vera), Vivienne Garrett (Rose Godolfus) and others on the 40th anniversary of its first broadcast, March 13 in Sydney. For more details go to:

http://www.australianfilmfestival.com.au/number-96-40th-anniversary.html

I mean, how the hell did EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE get nominated into a Best Picture field that was so lacking they could only come up with 9 titles instead of a Top Ten? EXTREMELY ANNOYING AND INCREDIBLY TASTELESS more like it given it was a blatant attempt to turn 9/11 into an Oscar opportunity for Ton Hankds and/or Sandra Bullock. Instead it was only Max Von Sydow who got a nod for playing a mute holocaust survivor helping a borderline autistic child who runs around New York City banging a tamborine. I was half expecting a black lesbian in a wheelchair to turn up but had to leave after an hour for fear I would punch someone on the way out if I had to watch any more.

Best movie around right now is MY WEEK WITH MARILYN with a subtle Michelle Williams nailing the legendary sex symbol with great support from such British thespians as Kenneth Branagh, Dominic Cooper, Dame Judi Dench, Emma Watson and Derek Jacobi. What a cast. And let’s not forget the gorgeous Eddie Redmayne (pictured) as the young man Marilyn Monroe may or may not have spent time with. Who cares if his account is 100% true? They’ve made a beautiful and heartbreaking film of events he insists happened and I loved every minute of it.

I only have to see one movie a week now for MORNINGS with Sonia Kruger and David Campbell (yay!) so that means I haven’t yet seen THE GREY (which Bret Easton Ellis calls the best movie about death in a long time) or CONTRABAND (people are raving about Mark Wahlberg’s latest but it looks like the same old same old to me). This week in Aussie cinemas we’ve got A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN (which someone just described to me as CANCER: THE MOVIE) and Roman Polanski’s CARNAGE with Kate Winslet and Jodie Foster (can’t believe I didn’t recognise him in his cameo as a neighbour). Watch my reviews every Wednesday on Nine at 10.15am.

Coming in an admirable second (with just over a million viewers) was ALCATRAZ, the new Sam Neill supernatural (?) mystery about the escaped detainees of the famous jail coming back. It’s from the makers of LOST but much easier to follow (and also less enticing) but check out the repeat this Friday after the cricket.

The ABC is on fire with Australian content this year even though none of it is rating … yet. THE STRAITS is an interesting new crime drama set in Far North Queensland but has the quite full-on violence been a turn-off to some traditional ABC viewers? OUTLAND is about a gay sci-fi group and I thought it was hilarious while WOODLEY is a sweet new comedy starring Colin Woodley and Justine Clarke (a good one for the kids, from next Wednesday at 8pm). And soon on Fridays is Essie Davis starring in MISS FISHER’S MURDER MYSTERIES, a rollicking new series with a top notch cast (Miriam Margoyles, Vince Colosimo etc). It will be the ultimate irony if the Friday night show (generally considered by most networks as the dead zone) rates higher than all the others … it could happen, watch this pace.

Foxtel are starting up a heap of new channels. There’s A&E, sadly not Arts and Entertainment anymore but now Action. It’s a blokes channel that has bought first screening rates to all those weird reality shows on 7mate like SWAMP PEOPLE. Whatever. Somewhat more exciting is FX which will begin at the end of the month with THE WALKING DEAD (the zombie series), HELL ON WHEELS (a tough Western about the making of a railroad), JUSTIFIED (Timothy Olyphant as a modern cowboy sheriff) and CALL ME FITZ (Jason Priestley talking dirty). But the best show they have for 2012 could be SMASH, the new Steven Spielberg drama about the making of a Broadway musical about Marilyn Monroe. Gotta love a show that stars Anjelica Huston, Debra Messing (WILL & GRACE) and Jack DAvenport (THIS LIFE).

Some great movies are screening on free to air too if you check those guides. ABC2 has been doing some stunning Saturday night double bills (this week it’s MIDNIGHT COWBOY and THE WAY WE WERE) while GEM hops on the Stephen Elliott bandwagon by screening two of his films tomorrow (Wednesday), THE ADVENTURES OF PRISCILLA QUEEN, OF THE DESRT and the cult classic WELCOME TO WOOP WOOP starring Jonathon Schaech (pictured). It’s one of my favourite Aussie films but it received a monstrous reception when it hit (and then flopped) at cinemas back in 1997. Give it a go to see if your humour is as twisted as mine.

It’s about a sex addict but could just as easily be described as a movie about scarily typical male behaviour. Fassbender is a New York businessman who spends every waking minute watching internet porn, hiring prostitutes and engaging in one-night stands. The Carey Mulligan turns up as his sister and it’s in a fiery performance from an actress who’s been rather wet in a lot of her films since AN EDUCATION. Her arrival and neediness throws his world into chaos and his behaviour accelerates. This is a riveting movie from start to finish with a well-deserved R rating for sex scenes and plent of full frontal nudity from both stars. Highly recommended.

I am yet to see most of the Academy Award nominated films this year and have until just February 27 to catch up. The only one I saw before going on a 6 week break was THE IRON LADY and the only movie I saw overseas was THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (both were great). But I did see A FEW BEST MEN and loved it, laughing out loud from beginning to end. Stephan Elliott is a genius. Go see it.

I am very excited about a few things – first it will be released on March 10 which means it should be in stores by march 13 which is the 40th anniversary since the show first aired (“The night Australian TV lost its virginity”). Hopefully it will be in JB Hi Fi but I know many of you had trouble finding it last time. My advice – start asking them NOW to stock it or buy it direct from the Umbrella website (www.umbrellaent.com.au). Secondly, there are some great features like original newspaper ads I have sourced from different Australian newspapers over the years and other press curiosities from the day including the way the Brits looked at the show from afar.

Most importantly is this volume’s audio commentary tracks. Two have been sourced from previous recordings done with the National Film and Sound Archive, one with director Peter Benardos talking about the filming of the bomb episode (a stunt nobody would be stupid enough to attempt indoors today) and the late James Elliott who played Alf Sutcliffe. There is also a brand new audio commentary from myself and Hon Justice Michael Kirby who talks about the show’s impact at the time and his memories of watching gay solicitor Don Finlayson (played by Joe Hasham) with his partner when he was just starting out in the same profession. Very classy, huh? Can’t wait to hear what you all think about it …

This 30 Minute new comedy is truly one of the best belly laughs I have had since Sex & The City which is not coincidental as 2 Broke Girls is produced by SATC creator Micheal Patrick King and Whitney Cummings.

2 Broke Girls stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs and a wonderful supporting cast, that helps to make this show a truly remarkable comedy thats naughty and nice and I love love love it !..

Revolving around 2 waitress’s in NYC, Max  a sassy  woman that is a nanny in the day and smartass waitress at night and Caroline who was a millionairess untill her father got involved in a ponzi fraud scheme, was jailed and now after being befriended by Max works in the cafe alongside her and shares her house too..

They start a small cupcake business together and the laughs ensue… some funnier moments include the Chef taking photos of his penis on phone camera’s and Max referring to Carolines ‘pulldown’ bedroom as her vagina !

This is truly one hellova laugh and somehow with all the dirtier smutty jokes it scrapes through the censors..

2 Broke Girls starts soon on Channel 9 and it really is a must see show for 2012.

This action packed edge of the seat thriller revolves around Emily Thorne / Amanda Clarke played by Emily Vancamp (Brothers & Sisters) who comes back to her home town, 20 years after her father was framed and sent to jail by a evil group of wealthy people and she is determined to prove her father’s innocence and seek ‘Revenge’ against them all.

Her father died in jail and Emily was moved from foster care to foster care to a jail herself and has developed her skills to plot her comeback.

The wealthy family involved in the plot against her father are Victoria & Conrad Grayson played by the fabulous Madeline Stowe and Henry Czerny, and Emily cements herself in the family without them knowing who she really is and slowly one by one she destroys the lives of the people that helped to destroy hers and her fathers lives.

The storylines are gripping and interesting, the writing superb and the ensemble cast is truly remarkable.  Some actors to note are from Gossip Girl Connor Paolo, and from Roswell Nick Weshler and of course Emily’s gay sidekick Nolan Ross played very divinely by Gabriel Mann.

The cast truly make Revenge riveting TV and it doesnt hurt that they are all wonderful eye candy too ! I have seen 11 episodes now and its very much my new guilty pleasure..

Revenge Cast - Yumm !

Andrew Mercado and I watched the 1st episode together and even HE liked it, so that says alot !

Revenge starts very soon on Channel 7 and you will seen previews being shown already, make sure you watch this show, you wont be dissapointed.