BABS NEEDS A BREAK, SOPHIE NEEDS A LIFE AND YOUNG TALENT TIME COULD BE MAKING A COMEBACK

This weekend I am searching for good news after the awful news that CARRY ON legend Barbara Windsor (pictured) is leaving EASTENDERS after 15 years. It's hard to imagine my favourite UK soap without Peggy Mitchell behind the bar of the Queen Vic but she's getting on and wants a break. Fair enough but she will be missed. Nevertheless, London is in mourning with even the Lord Mayor calling her decision "tragic". So begins my search for some good news. Could it be the return of Sophie Monk from LA, tipping off paparazzi that she was about to make a grand entrance home? Apparently she emerged from customs one hour after her fellow passengers looking "very glammed-up" and tottering in "nose-bleed heels". Judging from the pic in The Daily Telegraph though, she looked more pumped up than glammed up with those LA lips. But no, try as she can, that hasn't made my day. Could it be learning that Cameron Diaz's new movie THE BOX is actually set in 1976 ... one year after the Australian movie of the same name was released (see previous entry)? Nope, still don't want to see it. So I guess I'll have to settle for Dannii "I strip for money" Minogue joining a Facdebook campaign to bring back YOUNG TALENT TIME. Remember Johnny Young's YTT, that Saturday night staple on Ten when Dannii was the big star in the Minogue family ... until her sister got a role on a show called NEIGHBOURS? Kylie, who tweeted "OMG that would be TOOOO GOOOOOD!!!!! Bring back YTT!!" joined Dannii once on a memorable edition of the show .... wanna watch it again .... OK, I'm happy now ....

DANNII DID IT FOR THE DEBT

Dannii Minogue has just revealed on Pier Morgan's UK talk
show that she only stripped for Australian Playboy back in 1995 (pictured) because she was in debt after her failed marriage to Julian McMahon. Darling Dannii didn't want to ask sister Kylie for a loan and despite her parent's disapproval, she eventually was vindicated when it became the highest selling issue of all time. Hmmm, didn't she also do a nude calendar a few years later with blonder hair? Guess she racked up some more bills ... and could ex-hubby Julian have gotten himself out of financial trouble by also stripping for NIP/TUCK? Why didn't they go back to Seven and beg for a return to Summer Bay? HOME & AWAY could sure do with a Dannii comeback, a la Heather Locklear's triumphant return to MELROSE PLACE which is about to air in the US ...

IS DANIEL RADCLIFFE IS THE NEW HUGH GRANT?

Nine have pulled TROY starring Brad Pitt (pictured) from their Friday schedule so they can repeat HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS. Again. The movie was last seen on July 11 and each sequel then followed every weekend. That made sense because the marathon was a lead-in to the new Harry Potter film about to open in cinemas. But given the wizard is back again, and less than four months later, it's safe to suggest he could rival Ten's constant scheduling of LOVE ACTUALLY and ABOUT A BOY. They're giving Hugh Grant a break this week so they can replay MEAN GIRLS. Again. And surely it must be time for Nine to give THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION another whirl given it's only been on in prime time twice this year. Friday and Saturday night TV is sooooo lazy and unoriginal, particularly given the award-winning BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, starring Heath Ledger, is screening for the first time on free to air TV on GO! Why didn't Nine try a first-run BROKEBACK instead of Harry again or is that too controversial for their regular viewers? After all, there is a non-offensive version ...

SURELY THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION OF THE BOX IS BETTER

Cameron Diaz and Frank Langella star in THE BOX opening in Australian cinemas today. It's another head-scratcher from the director of DONNIE DARKO, a movie many people love despite not understanding what the hell it is about. I'm going to pass because if I want to see a movie called THE BOX, the 1975 Australian movie classic is much more preferrable. It was the big screen version of the TV series of the same name and all about the wacky goings-on behind the scenes at a TV station called Channel 12. In the film within the film, a movie version of Channel 12 cop show MANHUNT is being made (an in-joke which sends up Crawford cop shows of the day) and starring the hopeless Tony Wild (played by Ken James). Meanwhile, an efficient expert (Cornelia Frances) is reaquainting herself with university lover Vicki Stafford (Judy Nunn) and Graham Kennedy (playing Graham Kennedy) turns up to host variety show BIG NIGHT OUT. I live in hope that one day this movie might be released on DVD in all its full frontal glory ...

PEOPLE SHE'S MET, PLACES SHE'S BEEN

Last night Kerri-Anne Kennerley launched her fabulous book PEOPLE I'VE MET, PLACES I'VE BEEN. It's not a biography so there's no lurid childhood stories about violent fathers or bashed mothers (coincidentally Ray Martin launches his book tonight). Instead it's done in a warm scrapbook style with hundreds of pictures and funny stories about her long-running TV career. The Queen of Australian TV has done more live hours of television than any other woman thanks to hits like GOOD MORNING AUSTRALIA, THE MIDDAY SHOW and her current MORNINGS WITH KERRI-ANNE. Working with her every Wednesday is my favourite job of the week because she makes it easy, fun and is always wearing something spectacular (not to mention the shoes, don't forget the shoes!). Bravo KAK, thanks for the mentions and pictures of me and because it's so comprehensive (celebrities, politicians, chefs, musicians, sports stars and bloopers), I'll include here a clip of something I haven't yet seen in the book ... gratuitous male nudity ...

ALL SAINTS WILL LIVE ON

Tonight on Seven, episode 493 of ALL SAINTS will air bringing to an end an amazing 11 year run of a true Aussie favourite. Although the final episode should air with a warning for those who are lactose intolerant, it's hard to begrudge them such a cheesy farewell when its fans would demand nothing less than happy endings all round (and the montage at the end is sublime). So farewell ALL SAINTS, you've been fab, and love and kisses to Judith McGrath (pictured) who has always been a joy to watch as Von. For those who worry about going into ALL SAINTS withdrawal, never fear - repeats will continue on Hallmark every weeknight at 6.30pm and Judith McGrath can also be seen on A COUNTRY PRACTICE every weekday at 3.30pm. Seven will plug the Tuesday medical show hole by running PRIVATE PRACTICE next week in the 9.30pm timeslot and 7TWO's daytime drama SHORTLAND STREET is also a good old hospital soap. There's still no sign of THE YOUNG DOCTORS on GO! but repeats of ALL SAINTS will eventually pop up again on 7 and/or 7TWO. And All Saints the hospital definitely lives on in what is becoming my favourite new show of 2009, NURSE JACKIE which screens every Monday on Ten. Watch it, it's bloody hilarious ...

SOME SEQUELS ARE A GOOD IDEA ....

MAD MAX 4 will soon start shooting in NSW and that's a good thing, right? But do they replace Mel Gibson with a recast or focus on a new character? STAR TREK's Chris Pine (pictured) is rumoured to be the new CIA guy Jack Ryan as Hollywood eyes off another Tom Clancy adventure (and Pine is already committed to another STAR TREK with talk William Shatner may appear). All of that is much more promising than follow-ups to TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and SCREAM (both in 3D) or another NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION. And while common sense has prevailed (with an INDEPENDENCE DAY sequel getting shelved), no common sense prevails for Sylvester Stallone who is inflicting ROCKY 7 upon the world. Just give it up, Sly, nobody wants to see an old man boxing. But we are keen to see what happens to Andy's toys when he grows up and goes to college in TOY STORY 3D ...

WHEN TV CHANNELS USED TO CARE

Back in the olden days (the 80s), young TV fans would write to TV stations and get back beautiful personalised letters along with stickers and fan cards. This reader used to write about his favourite show IT'S A KNOCKOUT and they are a joy to read (click on them to enlarge). I love how he is gently let down after asking for Billy J Smith and Fiona MacDonald's phone numbers and note how he never gives up asking to bring the show back even though it has been axed. Wonder if TV channels reply to kids like this today?

IT'S TIME

So Linda Gray says she will do the new DALLAS: THE NEXT GENERATION but only if she can play a hot (grand)mama and not be a boring Miss Ellie type wearing pearls. Has anyone spoken to Victoria Principal yet? Pam Ewing was last seen with a new face after a disfiguring car crash explosion and these days, she could absolutely pull that look off. Meanwhile, over on the new MELROSE PLACE, regulars Ashlee Simpson and Colin Egglesfield have suddenly been given the chop with producers insisting they always planned to wrap up the murder story quickly. Yeah right. Now that Heather Locklear is back, the network has a chance to revamp the ratings-challenged show, just like they did the first time round. And although Simpson insists she "always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end," her axed co-star has blown that tale by screaming that he was on a multiyear contract. Oops. Guess Mrs Pete Wentz might have to go back to making babies and calling them stupid names like Mowgli (or maybe learning how to act). And talking of stupid, insane and unpredictable, thank you to the reader who alerted me that Seven were promoting their new 7TWO channel with a lame rip-off of Gough Whitlam's 1972 "It's Time" campaign. How unoriginal ...

SEVEN'S NEW CHANNEL IS TWO GOOD ...

Finally! Seven have announced details of their second channel to begin broadcasting on November 1. It's called 7TWO and like GO! it borrows heavily from Foxtel and Austar's schedule with re-runs of THE SOPRANOS, SIX FEET UNDER, MURPHY BROWN as well as THE JAY LENO SHOW. Unlike GO! however, it's not 99% Americana and I love the British influence with shows like PRIME SUSPECT, CORONATION STREET, EMMERDALE, BENIDORM and GAVIN & STACEY. There will also be prime time slots for new episodes of US hits like UGLY BETTY (starring Aussie Grant Bowler, pictured), HEROES, 24 and the final season of LOST (although let's hope there's a late-night repeat on 7HD because this is a show that needs to be seen in High Definition). But my favourite bit is HOME & AWAY: THE EARLY YEARS and SONS AND DAUGHTERS (finally some Aussie nostalgia) and New Zealand soap SHORTLAND STREET ...

MADONNA GETS GLEE

GLEE is turning into the hottest TV show around with its songs racing up iTunes charts around the world and soundtrack albums about to hit. So it's no surprise that Madonna, never one to miss out on a hot hook-up, has agreed to allow her entire back catalogue to be used on the show. Producers are apparently already working on an all-Madonna episode for next year which will more royalties money pouring into her healthy bank accounts. Last night on Ten, it was the boys versus the girls as the GLEE cast did mash-ups on crack, thanks to an unqualified nurse dosing them all up on amphetmaines. The drug references did not go down well with certain critics in the US even though some characters expressed contrition over their actions (well, kind of) ...

NICOLE JUST SAYS NO

Good on Nicole Kidmanh for going to Washington in her role as a UN goodwill ambassador for women's issues. She told Congress violence against women and girls was "perhaps the most systematic, widespread human rights violation in the world. I am far from an expert," but salthough Hollywood had legitimized violenc, it "probably ... has also contributed to solutions.'' Wow, time to watch DEAD CALM (where she's stalked on a boat) and DOGVILLE (where she's raped) in a whole new light, not to mention her first ever role in the 1983 Australian TV pilot SKIN DEEP. She plays an underage model (with freckles and frizzy hair) who sleeps with a famous photographer and then gets murdered after threatening him with carnal knowledge ...

MOVIES TO SEE AND MOVIES TO FLEE

OK, so I've already warned you about the appalling ALL ABOUT STEVE which opens today with one star reviews from everyone (and frankly, they're being kind to this movie which deserves a rating of zero, yes it is that bad). What you should know though is there is a magnificent movie to see this weekend called AN EDUCATION. It's about an English schoolgirl (Carey Mulligan) in 1961 being seduced by an older man (Peter Sarsgaard, pictured) and it's bautifully done and an absolute must-see (in fact, can someone strap down Sandra Bullock so she can watch what a quality movie is). Next week it's THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS with Christopher Plummer and Tom Waits. It's also the final role from Heath Ledger who died halfway through shooting but luckily the script is shit so it was easy to replace him with Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell. See, there's this travelling, horse-drawn carnival sideshow with a magic mirror and when Heath goes through the silver alfoil curtains, he turns into the other actors. Seriously, this what happens and none of it makes any sense. Director Terry Gilliam has made some great movies like THE FISHER KING and FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS but alas, this is not one of them. It is, however, a "visual feast" but save yourself some money and a huge headache by just watching the trailer instead ...

WHAT WOULD LARRY DAVID SAY?

Get ready for the most mental TV programming of the year. Last night, Nine aired THE SEINFELD REUNION also known as the third episode of Season 7 of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. No episode one, no episode two, just straight into a continuing story sitcom (with season six only now airing on GO!) because the four stars of SEINFELD appeared together. Anyone who had never seen CURB must have been wondering what the hell was going on, especially since it was obvious there were jokes cntinuing on from the first two eps (like Julia Louis Dreyfuss and her kid's birthday party). Next Tuesday Nine will air THE SEINFELD REUNION PART 2 also known as the sixth episode of Season 7 of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. Yep, you guessed it, no episode four and no episode five. Once again bits of it will make no sense. This is complete madness. Does Larry David know that his series is being butchered down under and the end credits are being cut out? Or that it didn't rate with just 755,000 people, not to mention the awful AUSSIE LADETTE TO LADY 2 afterwards which bombed with just 693,000? Next week Seven will be on another roll with Australia's most popular drama PACKED TO THE RAFTERS and the ALL SAINTS finale and Nine should just repeat TWO AND A HALF MEN again and stop ruining one of the best TV shows around.

HERE'S HEATHCLIFF

This Sunday a new version of WUTHERING HEIGHTS hits TV. Emily Bronte's classic novel now has a dark, gothic and very modern makeover (despite the story still staying set in the 1800s). It's bound to offend some purists, many of whom have had to watch the whole shebang again to fully make up their mind (and more often than not the extra screening wins them over). Playing Heathcliff is Tom Hardy, a true chameleon. He's played gay gangster Handsome Bob in Guy Ritchie's ROCKNROLLA (and will do so again in the sequel), bulked up and nuded up to play real life prisoner BRONSON (pictured) and will soon be Nick Nolte's son in 2010 movie WARRIOR. I interviewed him back in 2002 when he played a cloned (but younger) Jean Luc Picard in STAR TREK NEMESIS. He was a terrific guy and it was supposed to be his big breakthrough role but this was the last STAR TREK film before its recent makeover and it flopped big time. Now he has well and truly arrived back, especially with his unforgettable verison of Heathcliff in WUTHERING HEIGHTS which I absolutely recommend this Sunday on ABC1 ...

WORST "COMEDY" OF THE YEAR?

What does Sandra Bullock play in her movie ALL ABOUT STEVE beginning in Australian cinemas on Thursday. Is it:
a) a loser
b) a psycho
c) a stalker
d) all of the above?
If you answered d) correct! This astoundingly awful film has Bullock chasing a cameraman around the US. There's product placement for 7-Eleven drinks, a baby with three legs, apple cores being made up to resemble faces, a tornado in a sewer and deaf kids falling down a mine shaft. Yep, non-stop laughs from start to finish. What on earth is Bradley Cooper (pictured) doing in this crap after appearing in the biggest comedy flick of the year? Considering his next movie is CASE 30 with the equally annoying Renee Zellwegger, it's clear the dude has no idea what's he doing and lucked into THE HANGOVER by accident. Thomas Haden Church is equally disgraced in this movie that seems to portray mental illness as a big joke. Now, what is the worst Sandra Bullock movie ever made? Is it
a) THE LAKE HOUSE
b) PREMONITION
c) SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL
d) all of the above?
Save your money and stay at home where you can see Bradly Cooper for free on NIP/TUCK, He plays an egotistical actor playing a surgeon on a show within a show HEARTS AND SCALPELS. Here's what happened last Monday on GO!

BRING BACK SENSURROUND

Nostalgia is back. How else to explain HEY HEY ITS SATURDAY or Liza Minnelli getting AUSTRALIAN IDOL its best ratings all year (wonder who that show will exhume from the grave for their next mentor?). So since everything old is new again, why aren't cinemas re-visiting the greatest gimmick of the 70s? Sensurround was a series of low frequency speakers that were installed at a cost of $20,000 (big bucks back then). They pumped out a bassline that caused low level vibrations throughout the theatres (as ell as outside as I watched chandeliers swinging in the cinema lobby). The first film to use it was EARTHQUAKE, a seminal disaster flick with Charlton Heston and Victoria Principal (pictured) and the Sensurround really kicked in during the big quake (see clip below). After that it was used in such films as ROLLERCOASTER, BATTLE OF MIDWAY and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA but the process worked best during longer sequences and not during short bursts of gunfire or spaceship blasts. Wonder what a newer version of Sensurround would sound like today?

ABIGAIL DOES GLAMOUR

Abigail started the 80s by posing for Australian Plaboy (pictured) in August. But it took till 1984 for her to grab more glamour on SONS AND DAUGHTERS where she was hired as a possible replacement for Rowena Wallace (who played Pat the Rat). TV Week were quick to nickname her Caroline the Cat when they broke the exclusive but the tag didn't stick, particularly since Caroline wasn't a superbitch like Patricia. Although the character softened, the fashion got as big as the hair. During this period, Abigail was often photographed on the Sydney social scene wearing the latest frock and shoulder pads from designer Christopher Essex. On screen, scriptwriters gave Caroline two daughters, played by Sally Tayler and Alyce Platt and eventually she found romance with Normie Rowe. When the show ended in 1987, they were last seen about to open a fish and chip shop. It would take till 1991 and CHANCES for her to return to more glamorous roots ... re-live Caroline's claustrophobic Christmas cliffhanger here ...

ANOTHER NUMBER 96 TEASE

The next volume of NUMBER 96 will be called AFTERMATH OF MURDER because it follows on directly from the last release THE PANTYHOSE STRANGLER. Much of the hilarity this time round is provided by the outrageous Jan Adele who plays showgirl Trixie O'Toole. Scriptwriters would listen to Jan's stories from touring the clubs and rewrite them as Trixie's stories. And indeed Jan would often forget her lines and make up funnier material on the spot. Here she is in her best dominatrix gear in another preview from AFTERMATH OF MURDER which will be released through Umbrella Entertainment in 2010 ...

SITCOMS LURING YOUNG BOYS INTO PORN

The 20th anniversary of THE SIMPSONS has led to Marge Simpson being on the cover of Playboy and the American Family Assocation is not happy. They have called on all 7-Eleven stores to ban such filth because "it’s irresponsible to display porn in front of boys who pop in for a hot dog or a Slurpee. The cover can easily lead them into an addictive porn habit.” This is just like a plot from THE SIMPSONS. Yes indeedy, sitcom characters can be dangerous, and even if they're only cartoons too! Let's hope young boys never watch this YouTube send-up because it can easily lead them into an addictive TRUE BLOOD habit and that is something the American Family Association should really get their knickers in a knot about ...

LARRY DAVID IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW

Not only is he now in cinemas as the star of Woody Allen's new movie WHATEVER WORKS, Larry David is about to make a special appearance on Nine next Tuesday. They have just announced a special episode of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM because it features the entire cast of SEINFELD but it's a one-off in a suicide timeslot of 9pm up against PACKED TO THE RAFTERS. The SEINFELD cast actually features throughout the entire sixth season of CURB but Aussie fans will have to wait to see those episodes in their entirety on GO! who now screen the fifth series on Sundays (right before WEEDS) and promise to continue straight into this SEINFELD season. It's a shame that Nine makes these last-minute programming decisions because it leaves no time for any publicity and surely this is an event that could have garnered lots of press. As Woody Allen says, WHATEVER WORKS, and it's actually one of his better movies with great support acting for Larry David from Evan Rachel Wood, Patrica Clarksn abd Ed Begley Jr. It starts off as another icky older man/younger girl flick (hello Soon-Yi) but it definitely ends up being something more than that ...

FALCON CREST ON DVD

His mixed brood of big-boobed blonde wives and boneheaded siblings will be the focus of a new E! reality show called LEAVE IT TO LAMAS (coming next month and I might actually tune in) but Lorenzo Lamas is still best known for his role as Lance Cumson (pictured) in seminal 80s super soap FALCON CREST. The good news today is it's finally headed to DVD next year but the bad news is Warner didn't announce any more KNOTS LANDING. Sob. In bizarre remake news, SHAMELESS is being remade for Showtime in the US with William H. Macey as Frank Gallagher. Good casting but will he ever be as dishevelled as the original? And here's a promo for the fourth season of 30 ROCK which has just begun in the US - check out the Obama gay gag with Will Arnett, very funny ...

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOAN COLLINS

Joan Collins is doing a new TV makeover show JOAN DOES GLAMOR and that's why she just did a priceless interview for The Sun. Here's some highlights:

JOAN DOES GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS
"We're not going to send Christmas cards this year, not just because of the cost but because the postal system is so bad that half of them won't arrive on time."

JOAN DOES FASHION
"All through the sixties, seventies and eighties women liked big hair, and that's been changed by the invention of the hair straighteners, Poker straight hair isn't flattering on anyone.

I don't like dirty trainers, that's really unattractive, and fleeces are great on sheep but not on people!

"Today is the age of slobbery. When people go to the theatre in shorts or tank tops, I'm appalled. I remember men going to the theatre in black tie when I was a little boy, and the women would be in strapless cocktail dresses. I might sound an old fogey, but my mother wouldn't have dreamt of going out without her lipstick on.

"I might wear a kaftan or tracksuit at home with Percy, but I wouldn't come to meet you without make-up on. I'm delighted shoulderpads are coming back in - they're so flattering."

JOAN DOES MANNERS
"I do think there's too much kissing between people who don't know each other. Maybe that's why we've got swine flu."

JOAN DOES LINDA EVANS
"I believe that botox is poison. They don't really know what the long term effects are. I have more than a couple of acquaintances with terrible facelifts. Somebody will come up at a party and say hi and I'll think, "Now then, I know this person", but they've now got an awful trout pout or no chin.

JOAN DOES THE NET
George Clooney said something like, "You would have to tie me down and stuff my face with glass before I went on Twitter or Facebook" and I totally agree with him. It's timewasting.

"People go on Facebook to say what they're doing - well, I don't want anyone to know what I'm doing! What am I supposed to write, "Hello, doing an interview with The Sun" - well, no offence, but who cares?

"If my mother had spent the morning checking what her friends were doing on Facebook, she wouldn't have had the time to look as polished as she always did.

"Having said that, there are tremendous benefits to these machines. Percy says he can get the X FACTOR on his computer when we go to LA this week, which is a relief, and on the plane recently I was on YouTube and I found a site where someone had cut together every single outfit I ever wore on DYNASTY. I watched it and thought, "God, I'm stylish"!"

Naturally I had to find that YouTube clip but it can't be pasted on another site. But do watch all 10 minutes of it and let's thank whatever obsessed queen did it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St7Lty8zQW0&feature=related

ROBBIE LOOKS FINE TO ME

Robbie Williams performed live on THE X FACTOR in the UK over the weekend and the tabloids have been in a lather ever since. The descriptions of "wide-eyed" and "erratic dancing" is clearly meant to suggest he is back on drugs. But here's the clip in full down below and I don't see it. Robbie himself has said he was nervous about performing live for the first time in three years and I guess you would be. The new album "Reality Killed The Video Star" is released in Australia on November 6 and to celebrate, there will be a globa concert that we can watch at participating cinemas in high defintion. For more information, go to:

www.robbiewilliams.com/electricproms

RIP STEPHEN GATELY

Sad news about Stephen Gately dying suddenly and on the eve of a BOYZONE reunion tour. This clip from THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW proves that they five singers really did enjoy each other's company. Although, is it just me or does Stephen seem a tad uncomfortable with talk show host Graham Norton? The highlight of this interview could be Keith Duffy at 6:30 as he re-enacts his favourite camp line from THE WIZARD OF OZ. Duffy has just signed up to return to CORONATION STREET as womanzier Ciaran but no doubt we'll be seeing him at Gately's funeral first ...

DANNII DOES IT AGAIN

Dannii Minogue is in trouble again after comments she made on THE X FACTOR in the UK. Thousands of fans "bombarded" the show's website after Dannii referred to a rival contestant's bisexuality, leading to claims she was being homophobic. Please. There is no bigger friend of Dorothy than Dannii Minogue who has been courting the gay community ever since she realised her sister Kylie was a gay icon and she could be one too. All I have to say is this - why won't someone screen THE X FACTOR down under? A local verison with Daniel MacPherson and Kate Ceberano was a major flop on Ten a few years back but that doesn't mean we can't see the original version which picks its performers from a much larger talent pool than Australia can ever offer. And surely a local audience could help defend Dannii against the constant bashing she receives from the English press. This woman is a national treasure for God's sake. She was on YOUNG TALENT TIME, HOME & AWAY, she stripped for AUSTRALIAN PLAYBOY (pictured), she did a nude calendar AND she did a song called "This Is It" long before Michael Jackson. Here now is that infamous video with her-then husband Julian McMahon (when he was better known for being the son of the Prime Minister). Last night on NIP/TUCK I was looking at Julian who is now somewhat chubbier and has also removed all of his body hair. He was much better looking before the wasxing ....

THE FINAL FINAL DESTINATION?

DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Krista Allen stars in THE FINAL DESTINATION which is the fourth film in the series. Given this one is in 3D some think it's the third movie but there's actually been FINAL DESTINATION, FINAL DESTINATION 2, FINAL DESTINATION 3 and now the most unimaginatively titled one of them all. Does putting a 4 in the title make Hollywood look just too desperate? At least the makers retrieved that missing word THE after another franchise lost it along the way. You see, there was THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS (clever title), THE FAST AND FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT (this movie was actually my favourite) and then FAST AND FURIOUS (boring title). See what I mean? This latest FINAL DESTINATION movie opens in Australian cinemas on Thursday and makes good use of its 3D effects (reminding me of FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 in 3D back in the 80s). But sadly there's nothing new on offer here if you've seen all the other movies that go before it ...

BUT WHAT DOES MARCIA THINK?

AUSTRALIAN IDOL could do with a ratings boost but will tonight's "controversial" guest judge Harry Connick Jr be a turn-on or a turn-off? After he dared to voice his shock at the blackface skit on HEY HEY IT'S SATURDAY, most Australians felt there was nothing wrong with some homegrown racism and told the Yank to shut up and go home. How disgraceful. Most of the ignorant morons who love HEY HEY have no idea how offensive blackface is today but there is no excuse for the show's producers who aired the skit in front of an American. Harry Connick Jr had every right to voice his opinion but will fellow IDOL judge Marcia Hines weigh in on the debate tonight? She was asked to comment all week about the skit but declined. But given she appeared on HEY HEY last Wednesday (saying "This show is deep"), it would be worth wondering if she still feels that way.

NEW TRAUMA & DEATH OF OTHER SHOWS

TRAUMA is a new US medico show that centres around a paramedics unit in San Francisco. It stars a few well known faces including. Jamey Sheridan, Aimee Garcia & Cliff Curtis.

The first episode is surprisingly graphic and has many twists..
The imagination and effects rivals any big budget movie which is not surprising considering its $3 million price tag per episode..

The scripts are well written and the characters interesting from the first moment. I was surprised how much I loved it and it kind of reminded me of that fabulous show from the 70's called EMERGENCY!

There are already rumours that it has not rated well and that perhaps it might be axed soon but that would be a real shame. Another of my favourites, the cop drama SOUTHLAND, has just been given the flick before its second season has even begun. (fingers crossed another cable network picks it up)

America is merciless when it comes to axing shows when they don't rate (and I'm told it's like that in Australia too). I am still licking my wounds about THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE being axed after just 2 episodes (although Mercado is still laughing about that one).

Perhaps there should be a channel where we can see shows that have not been given enough life to prove what they are really worthwhile. We could have THE BRADY BRIDES, PRIVILEGED and many others back!

TRAUMA gets 4 stars ( see the fabulous preview video below) but NBC gets 1 star for even thinking about axing it.

MODERN FAMILY

MODERN FAMILY is a new quirky comedy from ABC American that will screen on Ten in 2010. It is done in documentary style with the characters talking to camera (just like the 1st season of SEX AND THE CITY). Lets hope they also cut it out soon as it's a little OTT for this Princess.

It stars Ed O'Neil (MARRIED WITH CHLDREN) as the patriarch of the family who has recently married a young Spanish woman who has a young boy. His daughter Claire is married to Jay and has 2 kids, his son Mitchell is gay and has a big fat OTT gay partner and they have adopted an Asian child.

The show is a bit stereotypical for my liking and I am actually repulsed by Ed O'Neil because he's fat, old, ugly and sleazy. The gay fat guy runs around with the Asian child to the soundtrack of THE LION KING and whilst itmade me smirk for a moment I was laughing at the show rather than with the show. (see video below )

After 2 episodes I went to collect dog poo from my backyard rather then watch more. But then as a 'sign' I received an email from ABC annoucing that the fabulous Shelly Long would soon arrive as Ed O'Neil's first wife so I have to give it another go just for her.

2.5 stars for Episodes 1 & 2 lets see how episode 3 goes...

MORE TRUE BLOOD SEX AND A POSSIBLE DALLAS SPIN-OFF

TRUE BLOOD could be about to get a whole lot more raunchier if Stephen Moyer (who plays southern gentleman vampire Bill) has his way. The real-life fiancee of Anna Paquin (Sookie) is quoted as saying he wants to do a gay sex scene with good mate Alexander Skarsgard (who plays Eurotrash vamp Eric, pictured). Series creator Alan Ball will probably be thrilled to co-operate! THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS' Eric Braden has just quit the soap after being told he would have to take a pay cut. Cut costs by all means but bring back Victor Newman immediately! GENERAL HOSPITAL'S Rick Springfield, who is writing his autobiogrpahy, will also bare his butt on CALIFORNICATION where he is palying warped version of himself (is there any other kind?). And there's talk of a DALLAS: THE NEXT GENERATION spin-off to focus on John Ross Ewing (son of JR and Sue Ellen) and Christopher (adopted son of Bobby and Pam). Former stars of DALLAS are being approached to participate - so to remind you who might be available, here's a roll call of every major actor from the series, although bear in mind that several of them (Jim Davis, Donna Reed, Barbara Bel Geddes, Dack Rambo) are now dead ... who should come back from more Southfork Ranch action?

FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED

... was the name of a movie I saw on a double bill with DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE in 1971 at the Planet picture theatre in Camp Hill, Brisbane. And what a seminal night of horror it was. It taught me at a very young age that old monsters continue to come back no matter how many times they get knocked down. And now to Daryl Somers and Kyle Sandilands. HEY HEY ITS SATURDAY: THE REUNION ran for a mind-numbing six and a half hours over two Wednesday nights and last night's show was terrible compared to the first one. And to keep us all talking about it, we now have the "blackface" controversy. Can't you just see Daryl loving that he is becoming a worldwide topic? Who doesn't realise that "blackface" is offensive to some people in 2009? HEY HEY wouldn't have planned this controversy ... would they? Daryl did seem particularly narky last night, snarling several times about it all being "the last time ever, them's the breaks". Has he already had another falling out with Nine executives or was this just another desperate ploys to get the fans up in arms? Despite those massive ratings, Daryl can't be popular at Nine given he demanded they pull the Saturday repeat at the last moment because he didn't want it to affect last night's ratings. And of course he deliberately stacked last night's show with Ozzie Ostrich and Jacki MacDonald to get maxiumum viewers back for a second time. You can call Daryl Somers many things (and I do) but HEY HEY has been brilliantly marketed and meticulously planned. But after last night's show, it cannot come back as a weekly series - the humour is outdated, the pace was listless and it was all summed up by Molly's dog who went to sleep. Says it all really. Sorry Daryl, but I think we've had our fill of your cronies, old rockers and Russell Gilbert's underpants. Now to Kyle's return to 2Day FM today after Bert Newton did a 20-1 countdown of Kyle and Jackie O's Best Celebrity Moments yesterday (well you could hardly expect Magda Szubanski to do a SPEARMAN EXPERIMENT countdown and when your hosts are on the nose, it's time to make it all about the celebs again). Kyle said "darl" and "hon" a lot to prove he is still best friends with celebrities but whatever. Another monster risen from the grave. And Russell Crowe is narrating a new TV series called THE SECRET MILLIONAIRE for Nine tonight. That is if they don't pull the show to do an extra long edition of A CURRENT AFFAIR to mine that controversy ....

JOEL EDGERTON'S BEEN WORKING OUT

I just saw A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE in Sydney with Cate Blanchett and Joel Edgerton and WOW! I studied this play in Year 11 at school but this was the most stunning production ever. Cate was amazing playing Blanche DuBois and brought a whole new sluttiness to the role that Vivien Leigh could only hint at in the movie version. And Joel Edgerton as Stanley Kowalski sounded just like Marlon Brando but looked way hotter. He is now built like a brick shithouse and I'd tell you all to rush off and see it immediately but the entire season has been sold out. Guess you'll just have to wait till his next TV or film role ...

RETREAT FROM THIS FILM

Remember that cool movie SWINGERS written by its two stars Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughan? Wish I could say the same about their latest effort COUPLES RETREAT. This time their scripwriting is all over the shop and even a top notch cast - including ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT'S Jason Bateman, VERONICA MARS' Kristin Bell and SEX AND THE CITY'S Kristin Davis (has Charlotte had a chin job?) - can't make their characters likable. But the strangest moment in the film is when one-time ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT reporter Carlos Ponce (and wouldn't you think he'd have changed his name by now?) emerges nude from the water and he's neutered! Clearly they didn't want a penis to ruin their rating but the digitally altered flash makes Carlos look like a Ken doll. Or maybe a Ponce doll.

MADONNA TRIES TO STAY RELEVANT

Oh dear. Madonna and Lady Gaga just did a skit together on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE and it's really lame. Did they even rehearse it beforehand? By the look of it, probably not because they thought a mock catfight would be enough. Never mind that a bit of choreography or timing could have made it a classic SNL moment. Poor old Nine News just incorrectly stated this skit was from THE DAVID LETTERMAN SHOW. Um, no, Madonna did his show last week and was also really dull, with the highlight being her eating a slice of pizza. Never thought I'd see the day where Madonna was boring ...

SLY HAS A DEATH WISH

Sylvester Stallone in threatening to replace and remake Charles Bronson's DEATH WISH and it would certainly give him another violent franchise he could keep making sequels to (just like Bronson did). But when would he have the time given he is busy making a fifth RAMBO flick? Much better news comes from Quentin Tarantino who was just quoted as saying he might do a KILL BILL 3, an INGLORIOUS BASTERDS prequel (maybe) but never a PULP FICTION sequel (phew). Then there's the Weinstein brothers who said they are re-visiting the SCREAM franchise, re-making SHORT CIRCUIT, re-doing SCANNERS and HELLRAISER for 3D and probably going back to AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. And then there's this - the first trailer for the new NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and it looks pretty good (but not as good as Stallone in his heyday) ....

ABIGAIL AND THE CONVICTS

Although he starred in several CARRY ON movies, UK nudge nudge wink wink comedian Frankie Howerd was probably best known for the sitcom and movie version of UP POMPEII. Seven tried to duplicate its success with the short-lived UP THE CONVICTS in the 70s. It's not that memorable except of course for the great Aussie supporting cast like Carol Raye (THE MAVIS BRAMSTON SHOW, NUMBER 96 and BLANKEY BLANKS), acid-tongued Frank Thring (BEN HUR, ALVIN RIDES AGAIN and THE HOWLING III) and the incomparable Abigail. She always wanted to do more comedy and she's in her element here as well as baring her bottom for Playboy. Bless ...

IS KYLIE IS A ROBOT?

Kylie Minogue has just started her first ever American concert tour in Kylie-fornia. Actually it was just near the gay centre of San Francisco. Smart girl. According to today's Sun-Herald, fans and critics loved her "gigantic over-the-top spectacle that featured enormous props, a killer laser-light show, wild theatrical elements, artfully choreographed dance routines and a Cher-worthy closet full of pricey costumes" (although hopefully not like the one pictured here). However, her "robot-themed segments" led to one saying she "flat out can't dance". Um, that is why there is always robotic dance moves in every show she does. We love her but we've also known for years she can't dance, trust those Americans to figure it out so quickly. Now apparently Nine figured out they might be wasting a repeat of HEY HEY THE REUNION late on a Saturday night so they pulled it at the last minute and fans went into meltdown (anyone obsessed with Daryl Somers is already a bit strange to begin with so Nine should really think twice before incurring their wrath again). Tonight (Sunday) is a big night for TV with Sigrid Thornton on WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? (SBS 7.30pm) while IDOL (Ten 7.30pm) does a Pink themed night (er-oh). There's a repeat of the brilliant new Aussie drama TANGLE (Showcase 9.30pm), the brilliant old Aussie drama RAN: REMOTE AREA NURSE (SBS 10.30pm) and FINALLY the return of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM (9.30pm on GO!) and WEEDS (10pm on GO!). The third season of WEEDS is the best yet with new regulars Matthew Modine and Mary-Kate Olsen so do not miss it ...

BIG STARS BIG MOMENTS

Tonight HEY HEY IT'S SATURDAY will get an "encore screening" for anyone who thought that three big hours of big Daryl Somers just wasn't enough for one week. Or maybe it's just so the show's title can stay relevant because nothing else there is. The fallout from its smash success last Wednesday continued last night with Ten failing again with two shows that should be bigger hits. Encore screenings of CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF and NCIS:LA both flopped so if HEY HEY does well again tonight, the world will have officially gone mad. Now to overseas bigheads and Ryan Seacrest continues to thrust terrible reality shows onto the world (although whatever happened to that one with girlfriend Sophie Monk?). His next will be some nonsense about some kardashian nobody and somebody called Lamar but why won't he just do a long-running show on how and why Mr Kardashian CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC'S Bruce Jenner (pictured) allowed himself to become a circus freak? Over on UGLY BETTY, Christie Brinkley and Shakira are going to guest star but who knows when we'll see it here on Seven (hopefully the show comes back this summer). Now this sounds funny - Matt LeBlanc playing Matt LeBlanc for a new Showtime comedy called EPISODES. Instead of being about a disastrous spin-off (JOEY anyone?) it will instead be about a British comedy being remade for American TV. Now for the biggest news - SPIDERMAN'S Jame Franco is going to do a two month guest stint on GENERAL HOSPITAL. If it goes well, daytime may decide that big movie stars are the way forward again. Excellent. Here's where that all started back in 1981 with Elizabeth Taylor BEGGING and getting a role on her favourite show just as the deacade's biggest wedding (Luke and Laura) was about to happen ...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

2.1 million viewers watched HEY HEY IT'S SATURDAY last night. It was a phenomenon that smashed NCIS: LA, CITY HOMICIDE, SPICKS & SPECKS, WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS and even CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF. It went for a staggering and mind-numbing 3 hours. There will be more next week. There is also now a terrifying and very real prospect that it is back FOREVER. My head exploded somewhere around the point Daryl Somers said they were the biggest thing IN THE WORLD as he announced he was the number one topic on Twitter and they had more fans than HOME & AWAY and that had been going for over 20 years. Guess that means I am now moving to New Zealand so goodbye .....