SEQUELS, PREQUELS & REBOOTS

Hollywood, as always, is desperately short of ideas and looking to past successes to squeeze ever last drop out of some popular franchises. The success of the (sensational) new STAR TREK and the (truly dreadful) remakes of FRIDAY THE 13TH means that no movie is safe from a CGI makeover.



Supposedly a director has been signed on to make another ALIEN (which could be part prequel) and clearly another DIE HARD is in the works now a graphic novel of DIE HARD: YEAR ONE is being released.


June 2010 will bring us TOY STORY 3D (actually this could be cool) and there will be more 3D in the fourth FINAL DESTINATION. If you ever wondered what happened to the "THE" from the title of FAST AND FURIOUS (also the fourth film in that franchise), fear not, because it's turning up here: THE FINAL DESTINATION.

Of course crap titles are de riguer in the horror world. Rob Zomebie's follow-up to his first (revolting) HALLOWEEN remake is also being called HALLOWEEN II (even though Jamie Lee Curtis starred in both years ago). Wonder what they'll call the new NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST then?

Harvey Keitel's tour-de-force in BAD LIEUTENANT is being re-made with Nicholas Cage (spare me) and God knows who'll they get to replace Sarah Jessica Parker in another GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN.


Even Australia is getting in on the act with a remake of LONG WEEKEND starring Claudia Karvan. and there's still talk that the comatose PATRICK might wake up in a brand new movie as well.



Comedy wise, there'es going to be another GHOSTBUSTERS (groan) and Will Farrell just revealed on The Jono and Dano radio show that ANCHORMAN 2 might soon be a reality. And that's on top of the (fantastic) news that Ben Stiller is working on ZOOLANDER 2 and a third MEET THE PARENTS with Robert De Niro.

Finale Fever

FINALE FEVER

Well it's been heaven over here in LA with all my favourite shows going out
with a big bang! Because I am such a Princess, I won't spoil too much for
you Aussies who are soooo far behind. Here is a brief 'Princess; update on
how some TV shows finished their latest seasons:


UGLY BETTY Season 3 ****

There were many twists & turns for Betty & Mode Magazine during their 2 hour season Finale AND a surprise guest appearance from HARPER'S ISLAND'S leading man. There were also more great outfits from Willy (Vanessa Williams) and some divine lines from that superstar Miss Bernadette Peters, who I hear is headed out to Aussie land next week for appearances at the Adelaide Cabaret Festival! But the campest bit in the finale has to go to CYBILL'S Christine Baranski.

Who needs Cybill Shepherd when you can do a drunk duet instead with Vanessa Williams around the piano.
4 stars and a box of tissues needed for the final bit (sob)

GREYS ANATOMY Season 5 *****

This 2 hour season finale is just one jaw dropping scene after another especially after one revelation that made me scream out load... !
Oh my god..!!!
There was plenty of publicity about which cast members want to quit and this finale certainly leaves you no wiser as to who might or might not be there next season. There is a surprise appearance by Danny Duchet again and
weddings, yes I said weddings with a plural!
But the end scene is just too much and it makes you look at the TV screen in
sheer disbelief..
mmm 5 stars and more tissues..



ONE TREE HILL Season 6 ***

Well this finale episode made me nervous after already reading that two cast
members were leaving. I couldn't bear to actually see it happen but instead they were written out in a weird way - all they did was go for a drive down the main street of Tree Hill !!! A special cameo from Daphne Zuniga -(MELROSE PLACE) is always nice, especially when she stops paying the bitch, but there was also a wedding, a birth, a near death, a cry session between two old men ( kinda freaky) and some funny one-liners from an ex-LAGUNA BEACH star. And yes, the surprise visit from Mother Karen, noice.. and then Nick Lachey singing his new single and rolling around on top of some girl on a snooker table... well that made it for me !
But only 3 stars because it didn't live up to the hype that surrounded it...


SMALLVILLE Season 8 **

This finale had a bit of everything, but sadly gave a lot of nothing.
I wanted more action, more deaths and sadly did not get it.. One main cast member does go, and that's about it.. I am a huge fan of this show but Clark (Tom Welling) has put on some weight and needs to lose it before season 9 starts. And he also needs to start flying as the whole 'no flight no tights' thing for Smallville is no longer working, it's holding the show back and its storyline.. Don't get overhyped about this season finale and you won't be disappointed..
2 stars ... Boring..


CASTLE Season 1 ***

Cute new show, starting to love it, and the tension is there between the two main cast members. Will they get together.. a la MOONLIGHTING? There's a bit of suspense in the Final episode but we need season 2 before we can get too involved as 10 episodes just does not get me yet.. the final scene which is not bad for a new show.. 3 stars but looking forward to giving it more !!


DOLLHOUSE Season 1 ***

A new series from Joss Wheedon (to begin down there for you Aussies in June on Fox 8) did it all, hot girls & boys, great action, lots of sex... and best of all Elisha Dushku !! This Princess loves her !! The series did not rate the best but thankfully the hype gave the show a cult following and its been renewed for a 2nd Season !!! The finale episode was divine, exciting, nail biting and in the end just when you think you have it figured out the show surprises you. Apparently there is a another episode filmed after the show's finale Episode 12 but it's only going onto the DVD edition of First Season. Seems our American network bosses didn't want to air it, I thought
this stupidness by a TV channel only happened in Aussie Land..

Surprising... 3 1/2 Stars.. bring on Season 2..

GHOST WHISPERER Season 4 ****

Well this season had it all - ghosts, Camryn Manheim losing weight, more ghosts and of course Jim's death (not to mention some apparent canoodling between Miss Love Hewitt and her new ghost assistant Mr. Kennedy!). The finale episode tidied things up nicely and if you are a fan of happy endings then this is the episode for you. saying that of course there is of course one slight nagging worry on Melinda's mind (of course) about 'the other side' but for this season it was a nice ending.

The Final Scene . Noice !!! 4 Stars just for the Guests at the wedding !

NO MONSTER SCHLONG FOR UNDERBELLY DVD

UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES is released on DVD today but sadly there will be no UNCUT footage of a certain UNCUT big one.

Back in January, while the show was still being filmed, a group email was sent out requiring the following:

mid 20's age range
slender in build (no super muscle men)
approx 5'10
prefer fair hair
prefer no tatts
Male must be based in Sydney or willing to get to Sydney at own expense
and the clincher.... must have a MASSIVE WILLY!!!

It is expected to be no more than a half day closed shoot, paying about $500 - no acting experience required! Face will not be shown, and identity kept anonymous. Basically just walking past the camera in the nude.

At the time the description seemed to describe Matthew Newton's character and when the series aired there was a mention from Anna Hutchison's character (Alison) that drug baron Terry Clark was indeed packing a big one. But on the cutting room floor was another scene filmed with Roy Billing (Bob Trimbole) and Matthew Newton (Terry Clark) standing next to each other at a urinal. Sure enough, Aussie Bob had glanced down and recoiled in horror at the MASSIVE WILLY!!!

Village Roadshow tell me there is no new footage along these lines in the DVD release. Their new UNCUT footage only features more graphic violence (particulary when George Freeman gets half his face blown off) and apparently, if it's at all possible, even more boobs and bums.

In total, UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO TITTIES was actually a tale of 56 titties which we counted during its TV run. The criteria used was this - if one scene featured two topless strippers, that counted as two sets. But if the same breasts re-appeared laterin the same episode, they weren't counted again.

So the gauntlet is now being thrown down to anyone out there who wants to watch the DVD version and report back on whether they can get a higher titbit count. Enjoy!

THE BEST MOVIE OF 2008 NOW ON DVD

NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD *****

The best movie I saw in 2008 is now the hardest DVD to find in 2009. Yesterday I went searching for this brilliant doco about the wild days of Australian filmmaking in the 70s and 80s. Some stores classify it as a doumentary, others list it with their Aussie movies. But because this is a DVD you buy to keep to watch again and again, it was sold out in several stores I visited. Take my word for it - this is a film well worth tracking down with appearances from Quentin Tarantino, Barry Humphries, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dennis Hopper, Jackie Weaver, Roger Ward, Deborah Gray, Briony Behets etc etc etc. Chase it down now while you can.

NUMBER 96

Check out this newspaper ad for the 1000th episode special of NUMBER 96 (it can se seen on the first DVD release). When the show was first mooted, nobody could imagine it lasting that long. In 1971 the Ten Network was considered a poor cousin to the longer-established Nine and Seven networks. Ten’s advertising revenue was minimal and they were unable to compete with their rivals when it came to buying new American shows. So in sheer desperation, Ten decided to risk everything with a new adults-only night-time serial sset in an inner-city Sydney apartment block.

Ten got so excited they suggested the unthinkable – instead of bi-weekly, they wanted to strip it five nights a week. The Cash-Harmon creative team were flabbergasted but frantically began to churn out plotlines. Nearly every working actor and actress in Sydney auditioned and all blithely signed the nudity clause assuming they’d never be asked to strip. Many were about to receive a nasty shock.

Number 96 premiered at 8.30pm on March 13 1972, with full-page newspaper ads proclaiming it as “The Night Television Would Lose Its Virginity!” Some newspapers refused to run the advertisement and changed the wording to “The Night Television Would Lose Its Innocence!” As it turned out, the outrageous by-line wasn’t that far off the mark. From night one, Number 96 established itself as a controversial, taboo-breaking groundbreaker that proved to be years ahead of its time.

The first movie-length episode (three half-hour shows tacked together – and many disgusted viewers did brand it tacky) shocked the nation. Only Sydney viewers got to see horny husband Mark Eastwood (Martin Harris) groping under the skirt of his eight-months pregnant wife Helen (Briony Behets). Everywhere else, the bottom half of the TV screen was blacked out, leading viewers to imagine much worse was going on. After being rejected, Mark popped downstairs to the deli where he saved nice Jewish girl Rose Godolfus (Vivienne Garrett) from being raped by a bikie. Rose repaid Mark’s gallantry by sleeping with him and when Helen discovered them in her bed, she ran out in shock, fell down the stairs and miscarried.

Number 96 had a total of eight flats, with two downstairs shops for all the residents to mix in (the delicatessen and a chemist that would soon evolve into a wine bar). A multicultural group was assembled without the slightest hint of cringe. Deli owner Aldo Godolfus (Johnny Lockwood) was Jewish Hungarian. Alf and Lucy Sutcliffe (James Elliott and Elisabeth Kirkby) were English migrants, Alf the typical ‘whingeing Pom’ while Lucy quickly became 96’s long-suffering earth mother. Their next-door neighbour was the unlucky-in-love South African born Vera Collins (Elaine Lee) who was separated from her alcoholic husband and forced to make ends meet with dressmaking and telling fortunes. Over the years, her tarot cards would warn of impending doom, especially in her own bedroom where she would bed an endless array of disastrous lovers. Sadly, the cards didn’t let her know she was going to be raped several times – first by returning husband Harry (Norman Yemm), then by her stepfather who flew all the way over from South Africa, had his way with her, then went straight back home.

Number 96 would always bring onto the canvas any ethnic performer available – there was never a White Australia policy in this show. Just a few weeks after premiering, black American Chad Farrell (Ronnie Arnold) was romancing the very white Sonia (Lyn Rainbow). Their cliffhanger smooch was the first interracial kiss filmed for Australian television, a full three years before the Federal Government introduced a Racial Discrimination Act.

Also living in the building were Herb (Ron Shand) and Dorrie Evans (Pat McDonald). They lived in Flat 3 rent-free because they had originally owned a house on the plot of land the building now occupied. Henpecked Herb was the building’s caretaker, while Dorrie considered herself the unofficial concierge (or as she pronounced it, ‘consurge’). Despite her insatiable busybody ways and constant shrieking, Dorrie would soon become one of the show’s most beloved characters.
Actress Pat McDonald would win the ultimate popularity award in television, the Gold Logie, as well as several Silver Logies for Best Actress. McDonald swore she was never once abused in the street or received an obscene fan letter. Instead, the fans would gush, “You keep that Herbie under the thumb, don’t you?” When the fans ran up to Ron Shand, though, it was: “How do you put up with the silly bitch?”

Later, Pat McDonald suggested bringing another actress, Bunney Brooke, into the mix. Originally written as a nemesis for Dorrie, Flo Patterson moved into the Evans’ flat (with budgerigar Mr Perky) when hers burnt down and she became the perfect comic foil for Dorrie. To the public, as they appeared together in magazine at-home spreads, McDonald and Brooke were simply good friends sharing a house together. It never occurred to anyone that the pair were actually lesbian lovers.

Now this is why I loved being a kid in t e 70s - school holiday family entertainment that was chock-a-block uwith full-frontal nudity and gay love. Number 96 – The Movie (now out on DVD) was filmed during the show’s Christmas break in 1973 in just eleven days. The budget was rumoured to be just $100,000 and the cast were paid only an extra week’s salary (supposedly all of $400 each). The movie became a smash hit, due in part to 20-year-old drama student Rebecca Gilling who was seen naked in bedrooms, showers and psychedelic dream sequences. Full-frontal nudity was still unknown on TV in 1974 (it would become ho-hum on the show circa 1977) so technically Gilling would become 96's first nude babe to go all the way.

If indeed there was a cinema patron who wandered in having never seen the TV show, they sure caught on quick when Vera Collins was pack raped by bikies within the film’s first two minutes. Gay hero Don (Joe Hasham) was also taking advantage of the more liberal cinema censorship by getting naked with new boyfriend Simon (John Orcsik) and even kissing him! The lip-lock, however, was mysteriously excised from the print after the Sydney season. “One critic said it was only the second homo kiss in screen history after Sunday, Bloody Sunday,” says writer David Sale. “I remember taking my parents to see it in the second week and dreading the kiss scene but they didn’t bat an eyelid!”

Film critic Mike Harris slammed the film in national newspaper The Australian, but had to admit that he had never been in a cinema before where every character’s first entrance got a roar of approval from the crowd (I remember the film's trailer also getting cheers the first time it was shown). Number 96 remains one of the most profitable Australian films ever made because it was shot cheaply on 16mm and blown up to 35mm for national release. Never before and never since has a more popular Australian film been released looking more shoddy. Many of the cast don't like the movie because it doesn't really represent what was so good about the TV series. I disagree, both are enjoyalbe in their own right and now DVD releases of both mean new fans today can also compare.

This is an abridged extract from SUPER AUSSIE SOAPS by Andrew Mercado

Melrose Place Season 4

Melrose Place Season 4 ****

Given my mounting excitement for the CW's revamp of 90's soap shocker Melrose Place (please Aussie networks pick this show up!) I thought it time that I checked in with old friends at LA's hottest address.

Season 4 kicks off with a BANG as the bombs planted by schizophrenic Kimberly (Marcia Cross) in last season's cliffhanger are detonated - sending debris and attractive corpses flying sky-high and laying waste to the iconic apartment complex.

But it's not long before Melrose is rebuilt, Alison recovers from her blindness and Amanda's shortlived sympathetic phase comes to an end.

Get ready for a season full of outrageous plot twists as Kimberly escapes charges to become a radio DJ and moves into the building (WTF?), Alison marries her father, Matt is framed for murder, Michael and Sydney continue to scheme and Heather Locklear continues to proudly display thick, black re-growth in her blonde locks.

Melrose Place Season 4 is definitely one of the show's best seasons!

The Brady Bunch Season 4

The Brady Bunch Season 4 ****

Growing up in the 80's and watching re-runs of The Brady Bunch, like many other kids, I wanted to live with the fictional Brady's. Though, while most kids liked the idea of moving in with the squeaky clean, perfect family it was the Brady house that I loved! And here on the Season 4 DVD set, 4222 Clinton Way looks fantastic in all it's fake wood-panelled, shag-carpeted glory! And oh, that orange kitchen!

The Brady's are Hawaii-bound for a special 3-part arc filled with intrigue, a tiki curse and some really dodgy special effects for Greg's surfing scenes.

Season 4 contains some of the shows most memorable moments such as;

• Marcia struggling to fit in on her first day of high school
• Greg having to choose between Marcia and his girlfriend for head cheerleader
• Bobby's aggresive stint as hall monitor
• Marcia copping a football to the face
• the kids trying to launch their singing act

Also watch out for: Eve Plumb's hilarious portrayal of the downtrodden Jan who once again desperately tries every wacky notion to stand apart from her siblings, Carol's over-zealous interest in EVERYTHING (methinks something in Alice's meatloaf is affecting Carol!) and new hairstyles all around as Carol gets a mullet, Cindy loses the curls and Mike and Greg go for a nice perm!

The Brady Bunch Season 4 is camp hilarity and a must-see before The Final Season is released next month.

Zac & Miri Make a Porno

Zac & Miri Make A Porno ***

It was with great trepidation that I sat to watch this movie, expecting vulgarity and smut. But along with that I also laughed, laughed a lot and laughed some more.
The movie has more swearing than a Guy Ritchie movie and is more crass than a real porno flick but somehow towards the end of the movie you really do care about Zac & Miri and their complicated love life.

Special guest star Bradon Routh ( Superman Returns) and Justin Long ( Die Hard 4) have the funniest scene at a School Reuinion where they discuss fellatio. Also nice to see on board is former real-life underage porn legend Traci Lords ( Melrose Place) and not surprisingly she plays her part of 'Bubbles' to perfection !

All in all a cute movie, with a little too much crass amongst the laughs, but I am sure that title will inspire all you boys to rent it big time. Until LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS hits shelves in a few months, this is the one to snicker about at DVD store counters.

Released 18th June 09.

HOTEL FOR DOGS

HOTEL FOR DOGS **

I was slightly dissapointed in this movie, as I had been looking forward to seeing stars like:

Lisa Kudrow
Emma Roberts
Don Cheadle
And lots of cute dogs..

But sadly the movie stank. It was far fetched, no story premise, unbelievable and bordering on the ridiculous. Not even the innocent loveliness of Julia Robert’s niece could save this. Emma Roberts did so well with NANCY DREW and WILD CHILD but this movie just let her down...

Lisa Kudrow played the aging rocker well but every time she broke into song I half expected her to break into her famous FRIEND song … remember "Smelly Cat”?

If you are under 10 and love animals watch Hotel For Dogs...everyone else should not check in

2 stars .. only because of the cute dogs..

Released 18th June 09

MARLEY & ME

MARLEY & ME ****

This movie grabs you right by the (dog) bone as a couple played by Jennifer Anniston & Owen Wilson adopt a labrador puppy called Marley. He turns out to be the cutest but naughtiest puppy around with Kathleen Turner as the dog trainer (she looks slightly worn these days) and Grey's Anatomy hunk Eric "McSteamy" Dane. Jen is perfectly cast and Owen Wilson is delightful as the doting dad. Marley & Me is a must-have movie, especially for dog-lovers, but be warned - it is a tearjerker at the end. Have a box of tissues handy. Sob....

Tori and Dean: Inn Love Season 1

Tori and Dean: Inn Love Season 1 ****

Who ever would have thought that we would actually be craving more Tori Spelling?

Tori and Dean: Inn Love Season 1 follows Tori Spelling and actor husband Dean McDermott as they scrape up the last of Tori’s money (and dignity) to set up a Bed & Breakfast following her disinheritance by Tori’s rich, producer father’s death.

Not only do Tori and Dean have to find a suitable B&B and learn to fit in with their hillbilly neighbours, but they also set themselves the mammoth task of re-inventing the B&B for the young, hip, modern crowd – all in a few weeks before Tori gives birth.

Hilarity ensues as they throw a garage sale to sell all their personal belonging in order to re-do virtually every room on the tightest of budgets with minimal (and bizarre!) help from their Hollywood friends.

Watch as Tori grows increasingly paranoid in her pregnancy (“We had sex and I think it killed the baby”, “I had a bath and I think it killed the baby”) and Dean gets frustrated as the mountain of work he needs to complete solo keeps growing.

It will make you laugh out loud as Tori goes into labour the morning after the B&B opens and Dean deserts a houseful of guests, but it will also open your eyes to another side of Tori Spelling – someone who is intelligent, vulnerable and surprisingly endearing.

Tori and Dean: Inn Love Season 1 is reality TV at it’s best – celebrity fish-out-of-water. No word yet on DVD releases for Season 2 and 3 but keep checking back!

ONE TREE HILL Season 5 DVD

ONE TREE HILL: Season 5 Out Now ****

Ten may have dropped it but TREE HILL (as fans call it) continues on DVD. It's about two step-brothers growing up in a small American Town (which apparently only has one tree and one hill). The first four seasons centred around high school but season 5 jumped four years into the future to avoid college. Now it's about who has become successful in business but the showhas become more out there than ever before. Watch for special moments such as Murder. Runaway Brides, Bizarre Adoptions, Multipule Sexual Indiscretions, Heart Donor Madness (and we mean crazy) and the infamous Psycho Kidnapping Nanny. Jumping 4 years was a great decision by writer/ producer Mark Schwan for more grown up fun. Season 6 is due out on DVD soon and Season 7 is being made now so get into this guilty secret now because there's much more to come.